Bless your heart
by Dinkdidnothingwrong
Summary: An enemies to lovers fast-paced appoclyse based purgatory centering around a rarepair? Don't mind if I do! (Slight gore warning for Chapters 10 and 11. 12) *I'm going to mark this as complete as I really don't have anymore inspiration to work off of for it. Thank you all for your time and clicks :).
1. Chapter 1

Ender wandered the halls. There was nothing here, no one to fight or make friends with or anything. The school was old, older than he was, and every time he walked the floors creaked in silent protest. Ender considered them rude. Wasn't like a 11 year old weighed much, and they'd carried armies before him. His days were repetitive. He'd get up from Dragon, eat, do a bit of exercising in the gym, float around in the spheres, then fall back asleep. It was always the same, the endless purgatory which he had been assigned. At least, it was, until the toaster stopped working.

Ender gently punched the small kitchenware in the side, hoping it spit up his bread and stop smoking. "C'mon, you were working yesterday." He muttered, hitting it again. The toaster, arrogant to its core, did nothing and became increasingly warm. Ender sighed, and threw it out the garbage disposal. Something was slightly satisfying when crystals began to form over the pour toaster. Turning back around, he jogged back to the cafeteria. Pushing open the doors, he was greeted by a smoking oven and a collection of parts on the counter. Raising a confused eyebrow, he leaned over the black and white table top and gasped. It was someone else! "Hello?!" Ender chirped. The person froze, but continued working. Ender frowned, but realized the helmet they were wearing probably obscured their hearing. He walked around and tapped gently on their shoulder. They whipped around, and stared at him for a long time. "Hey…" Ender waved awkwardly. "Do you know me?" The other just tilted their head and shrugged. "Oh. Well I'm Ender. Ender Wiggin." He held his hand out. They stared a little bit longer, then began scrambling backwards. "Wait!" Ender said, taking a step and ducking as a wrench flew towards him. "What did I say?" The other just backed up further, desperately gathering up their scrap metal and climbing back over the counter. "I'm sorry!" Ender yelled.

"No tu no eres!" Ender froze. He knew that voice. It had tortured him for years here, and now his guilt was darting out the door and down the hall. Ender sat there for a little way, then picked up one of the bits of metal he'd dropped. It was a large gear, and Ender had no idea where in the oven he would've found it. Ender looked out over the cafeteria floor, bits of metal littered over it. He would return them. Yes, that's exactly what he would do. He wouldn't be hunting for them if he didn't need them, so he'd be grateful to have a few extra parts. Ender walked around, gathering the chunks of scrap in his arms. Walking out into the hall, Ender saw another gear and smiled as he realized they made a clear path towards the Salamander barracks. "Old habits die hard…"

Bonzo was panicking. Why. Why was he here. When did he arrive? Had he always been here, and he'd just been too stupid to notice? Whatever, it didn't really matter, he'd gotten what he needed and could fix the lights now. Ender had probably done that day one. Ender probably knew he was here the entire time and was just fucking with him. Ender was probably the person stealing his parts. Ender this, Ender that, Ender Ender Ender! Bonzo growled and slammed his fist into the wall. The plaster crumbled around his hand, and he could feel bits of drywall in his palm. He brought his hand up to his visor, but still couldn't see whether it had broken skin or not. His visor was so filthy, oil and ash and blood obscuring his view of the outside world. He slipped it off slowly, part of him scared that without it his skull would break in two. Bonzo brought his hand back and felt the long line of stitches stretching from his left ear to the first bone in his neck. He shivered and went back to inspecting his palm. Thankfully no cuts, but now he had a giant hole in the wall. But he had exposed some of the wiring towards the large light in the back, so that was good. He traced his fingers over the wires. A few bits of straight long steel, a wire here and there, and the lights would be good as new!

"You dropped these." Bonzo jumped and turned towards the door. Ender stood in his doorway, arms full of little bits of scrap and wire. Bonzo started backwards but tripped on nothing and stumbled back into the bunks. Bonzo hissed, reaching a hand back and feeling part of his head. He brought his hand back and nearly screamed. It was covered deep scarlet blood, and even though it wasn't down his back like it had that day he could feel his heart speeding along. "Oh! My god, you cut yourself really bad, didn't you?" Ender dropped the metal on a nearby table and keeled down beside Bonzo. Ender gently pressed against the wound, feeling Bonzo flinch as he tried to figure out just how deep it was. It wasn't very long, but it was deep, so disinfectant and gauze were a must. Ender slowly moved his finger to the scar below the cut. He touched it and was near instantly slapped in the face. "Ow! Dammit let me help you!" Bonzo scurried across the room and grabbed his helmet, pulling on frantically. "Hey! Take that back off you're still bleeding! We have to clean that up that cut first."

"Hell no!"

"Bonzo what if gets infected? That damn helmets dirty enough."

"I don't care! You…"

"What. What did I do."

"Alright look if I say this I'm going to sound like I'm fucking three."

"Say it anyway!"

"You touched it!"

"The scar? Why the hell shouldn't I..." Ender drifted off. It was the fracture that had killed him. And he just run his hands over it like it was no big deal. "Oh...shit."

"Yeahhhhh."

"I'm sorry." Bonzo slid his helmet back off and felt the blood run down the side of his face.

"No, you're not. I'll handle the cut on my own just get out of my barracks and leave me alone!" Bonzo picked up his screwdriver and threw it at Ender. Ender ran out the door, ducking as tools flew past his head. He ran till he was back at the Dragon Barracks, sliding down the back wall. He took a small piece of pipe that he'd taken from Bonzo's pile. Perhaps he would try again tommorow.


	2. Bless your soul

Ender blinked. Why was it so bright? He looked up and realized that the lights had finally seemed to be working again. Flicking the switch back and forth, he grinned as the Dragon light repeatedly cast an organish glow across the barracks. Well, if he was already awake, he might as well get the day started. Flicking the light off, he jogged off towards the Salamander barracks. Today would be better.

Today was not better.

Ender huddled behind a spare locker, thanking its disproportionately large size. Bonzo continued to hurl whatever he could get his hands on at him, and Ender slipped out at the first chance he got. Though, he had noticed the exposed electrical work in the room. Did…did Bonzo fix the lights? Is that why he was gathering scrap? And why would you need a gear to fix…Ender waved his hands, clearing his mind. He'd thought about trying to fix things himself, but someone already fixed the gravity, water, and heating, and he didn't see the point in wasting time on the internet. Wait, had Bonzo fixed those too? Ender turned around, and then turned right back around. He couldn't just go barging into Salamander, he'd already tried that. He needed something to use as a shield. Ender looked around the barracks. His eyes went from the pillows, to the duct tape, to the industrial rubber bands.

"Did you fix the lights?"

"What the hell-why didn't you just wear your flash suit?!"

That hadn't occurred to Ender.

"Please answer the question Bonzo."

"Yeah, I did, so what?" Bonzo chucked a small desk at Ender. It bounced off him and he staggered backwards slightly, but was okay.

"Now, see, that would've hurt if I'd been my flash suit."

"How the hell did you even make that?"

"Resourcefulness. The question Madrid." Bonzo growled, and closed the space between them. Ender could feel his breath on his neck, but still had to suppress his giggles as Bonzo stood on his tiptoe to reach Ender's face. "Don't call me by my last name you overgrown yellow-bellied bastard. And so what if I fixed the lights, already fixed everything else in this damn station."

"Oh. Well thank you. Um…how long have you been here?" Bonzo's face went blank, and he fell back on his feet to his normal height. He waved his hand slightly, scrunched his nose up, and eventually just shrugged. "I mean, is this where you came when you died?" Another shrug. "Is this where you came when you died Ender?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"Because the last thing I remember is…" Ender drifted off. He couldn't actually remember the last thing he did. It was…definitely on Eros. But the details were bleary, and Ender was hard-pressed to remember what his life had been like before the station. 'It was on Eros."

"Eros?"

"Command School."

"Oh. So, what happened to you?"

"What happened to you?"

"You murdered me. I thought that was clear, _stupid._ " Ender tried to punch Bonzo in the stomach, but the pillow suit made it hard to move. Grumbling, he spun wildly as he struggled to remove the duct tape and rubber bands. Bonzo snickered, laying across one of the bunks to watch the show. Eventually Ender did get all of the pillows off, but several pieces of tape still stuck to his body. "This, ladies and gentlemen," Bonzo held out his hands. "Is Earth's savior."

"Shut up Madrid."

"What the hell did I tell you about my last name."

"Not fucking much. Why, you got a problem with your last name?"

"No. My mother is very honorable."

"What about Father dearest?"

"I-my father was a prominent lawyer. Good man."

"Not with a tone like that. C'mon, did he leave or something?"

Ender didn't have time to duck.

Bonzo's fist was perfectly aimed, and Ender could feel the blood dripping down his lip. Ender went to get up, but Bonzo stepped on his neck and held him there. "You keep your mouth free of my father's name, eh? You don't know shit about shit Ender. Fucking nothing at all!" Bonzo bent down and pulled Ender up by his collar. Ender had forgotten that despite his small size Bonzo could probably lift at least 2 of Dragons took leaders at the same time, and Ender let his eyes wander around the situation, planning the exactly best way to get out. He released his grip on Bonzo's arms and firmly grasped the others shoulders. Ender watched as fear flash through Bonzo's eyes, and tightened his grip. Bonzo dropped him, and Ender watched as he backed up, almost as if Ender was an animal he only now realized was dangerous. "Sorry."

"I hate you."

"I hoped not."

"Why do you keep searching for me, why would you want to spend time like this."

"There's no one else."

"You fucking bastard that not a godamn reason."

"Well I cant stand being alone anymore."

"After so many years you'd think you'd be good at it."

"And maybe you'd learn to control your temper." Bonzo stared off at absolutely nothing. "You're talking about things you know nothing about. I'd kill him if I got the chance, if he was only here…" Bonzo's fist tightened.

"What did he do to you?" Bonzo looked up like he just realized he'd said anything at all. He pointed towards the door, and Ender let himself out.

Bonzo sat down, rubbing his shoulders. God how he hated how scared he got. He was close, he was so close to beating him, he shouldn't freak out every time he put his hands on him. But even as he pulled on the straps of his black tank top to make sure he didn't have bruises, Bonzo knew he dreaded Ender's next visit not because of a potential fight, but the questions. Ender never seemed to run out of questions, and if he kept going at the pace he was going to unravel Bonzo completely. How long you been here Madrid? You scared Madrid? You angry? What about your father Madrid? You a disgrace Madrid? Who are you Madrid?

Who were you?


	3. All pain must pass

"Ender, where's the toaster?"

"Oh…yeah I threw it out the trash duct." Ender said, rubbing the back of his neck and laughing awkwardly. Bonzo popped up from cafeteria counter, and grabbed Ender gently by the shoulders. "Ender…"

"Yes?"

"How the hell are we supposed to make food if the toasters gone?!" Bonzo shook Ender violently, Ender grabbing the counter to steady himself.

"T-There's always the stoves! I'm sure there is something here to teach us!"

"I've been ransacking those stoves for years! Getting them to work would be a damn miracle!" Ender finally got hold of Bonzo's wrists, and slammed his arms down on the counter. His face contorted, hissing as his arms stung. "I'm sure that if you can repair the lights to an entire space station then you can fix an oven." Bonzo huffed. "Whatever. Shoulda figured all these years without a problem the reason why things start getting fucked is you show up."

"You did break it in the first place looking for parts." Even though Ender couldn't see Bonzo's face due to his helmet, he knew he was turning some shade of purple. He pushed a finger to the fiberglass, and could almost feel the others rage. "Calm down. I'm sorry I threw the toaster out the trash, but you're going to have to work around it, alright?" Ender removed the finger. "Four years. Four whole fucking years and nothing but peace," Bonzo sighed. "and now its all gone."

"Four years?"

"Huh?"

"It's been…four...years?" Bonzo sighed again, obviously deflated. Taking off his helmet and flipping up the visor, his desk slowly powered on. He pointed to the date. "Read me that."

"April 28th 20X2."

"And the date on yours."

Ender picked up his desk, which was sitting on a nearby table. "February 29th 20X3." Bonzo pointed up towards the giant screen with was once the stats board. "Now that."

"July 15th 20X7…" Ender drifted off. Had it really been that long? And how had he even died in the first place? February was Eros…right? The date and place were clear but the details were long gone, only a stabbing pain in his gut remaining. Ender clutched his stomach. "The hell are you doing?" Ender slid to the floor, leaning back against the counter. "Ohhhh. 'Aight let's get you to the infirmary." Bonzo slid his hands under Ender and lifted him into his arms. "What are you doing?" Ender groaned.

"You wanna walk?"

"No."

Ender's entire body ached. The infirmary was as cold and oddly damp as always, and the smell of disinfectant was unusually strong today. Bonzo rummaged through the cabinets, painkillers littering the floor. "This…will work." He slammed a large vial of something on a bed and put with it a needle and a bandage. Ender watched anxiously as he filled the needle and walked over towards him. "Arm."

"Uh maybe we don't need that much-gah!" Ender gripped the bed, a sharp pang hitting him, almost as if someone was trying to claw out his liver. "Never mind." Ender wheezed, extending his arm and Bonzo squeezing it. He plunged it into a vein, nearly missing it. Ender yelped, but felt the pain slowly subside. "Another dose in six hours, and the pain shouldn't come back. Used this for my migraines." Ender took the vial and the needle. "Careful with the dose though, mess it up and you'll trip. Madly."

"How do you know?"

"Experience from one of my lesser moments." Ender raised an eyebrow, Bonzo just shrugging. Ender nodded and jogged back to Dragon Barracks.

Birds.

Too many birds.

They were everywhere. Birds on the ceiling, birds on the bed, birds pecking at his belly and then getting bored. Ender got up and checked the window again. Was this the third or fourth time? Who knew. Who cared. "Leave!" Ender yelled waving his arms, birds scattering. "This isn't your home!" Ender heard the gentle pap of sneakers, and watched with delight as a tan skinned boy dressed in full white appeared. He would help with the bird situation. "You called?" The boy flipped up the visor of his helmet, and Ender gasped. What wonderfully pretty eyes he had! "You're here to deal with the birds! Also, I think,"

"Your eyes are very beautiful." Bonzo rubbed his temples. First he calls him on his desk, then he obviously messed up the medicine dosage and began to trip, and now he was complimenting him. Ich. "Ender's there's no birds."

"Well what do you call that sir?" Ender gestured towards a bed with a mechanical pencil on it.

"That's a pencil." Ender rolled his eyes.

"On top of the pencil."

"Air." Maybe the handsome bird catcher wasn't so handsome. "Look, if you cant see that bird then please round up the other birds at least." Bonzo rubbed the bridge of his nose and grasped at thin air. "Say, since I personally cant see the birds, mind telling me what color they are?"

"Well that one's pink." Bonzo lunged again and held out a half curled fist towards Ender. "And this one?"

"Jade."

And like this they continued, Bonzo madly grabbing at nothing and Ender remarking on that birds particular shade. Under other circumstances Bonzo would have left Ender to ride the trip out, but he could remember his own, frightening and full of ungodly creatures not quite spider and not quite kangaroo. Eventually, he'd caught all the 'bird's and Ender seemed pleased. "Thank you! Now, on payment," Ender leaned forward, plucking his helmet from his head. He lowered it onto his own, then planted a full lip kiss on Bonzo. Bonzo's face turned an odd shade of red, more scarlet then the violet Ender was used to. Oh how he wished he remember the name of the bird catcher and why he was so familiar. But it didn't matter. His job was done and payed for, so now he could be off. Ender pulled off, the others face one of pure confusion. "Thank you again!" Ender watched as the bird catcher hobbled awkwardly down the hall and shut the door. "Well would look at that," He muttered as an armadillo like creature curled up next to him.

Kissed.

Full on mouth to mouth kissed. Not by a secretive friend or a powerful commander, but by his own murderer! Still, Bonzo would admit it felt kinda nice. No boy had ever kissed him before. Ender's lips had an almost velvety constituency, chewed on but not cracked. And that cute little giggle as he lea-Bonzo stopped. He inhaled, collected himself, then exhaled. He shouldn't think about that. No no, he should think about how he going to fucking pummel him for this later.

He was going to be pummeled for that later.

Ender typed as slowly as he could on his desk, trying to make up an excuse for his actions. Bonzo wouldn't take 'sorry I was high as fuck and kissed you earlier my bad' as an answer, and Ender didn't want to accept it either. Ender shut off his desk and shoved it in his locker. He screamed into his legs. Why hadn't he just dealt with his feelings for Bonzo before he went and kissed him? It was probably why he was so damn pleased to see him here in the first place, wasn't it. Some silly part of him still thought he could pull a fast one and end up with his old commander. God, he was so fucking stupid-

"Ender." Knocking.

"Ender I know you can hear me." More knocking. Ender sighed and got up. He opened the door, and bit down on his lips. No red face, no clenched fist, just stoic and staid.

"We need to talk."

"There's nothing to say. I made a high mistake." Ender tried to close the door, but Bonzo lodged his foot in. "Bonzo you know we aren't at are finest when we're all drugged up. I'm sorry I kissed you, but I don't have anything else to say on the matter." Ender kicked Bonzo's leg and shoved the door closed. He could hear Bonzo yelling outside, but he ignored it.


	4. I wont leave

"Ender."

"You already know my answer."

"Ender I'm not mad, no actually I shouldn't say that I'm still extremely mad but I'm willing to talk in a civilized manner that doesn't involve rearranging your face."

"Threatening violence will not get me to open the door." Bonzo huffed and slid down. He'd been at for…three hours now according to the timer on the nearby desk. Ender had successfully barricaded himself into the Dragon barracks, and it was driving Bonzo nuts. He needed an explanation that was more than 'I was high'. Ender wouldn't be acting this way if it was. No, Ender was too upfront. No real secrets with that boy. "I know you're embarrassed but you wouldn't be barricading yourself if it was really nothing!"

"You sure do seem to know a lot about me for only talking to me for a few days."

"You decided that was enough time before you kissed me." Another lock in the door clicked shut. "Look, at least give me my helmet back."

"Helmet?"

"You took it off remember? When you kissed me?" Ender looked across the room and realized he did indeed have Bonzo's helmet. He picked it up and flipped up Bonzo's desk. "Why do you even need it anyway?"

"It's…a comfort. Now, can you please give it back?" Ender ran his finger over the dirty surface of Bonzo's desk.

"You wear this because you're scared of dying by accident again, don't you?"

"…Yeah." The word came out more like a sigh.

"You ever clean that cut?" Bonzo reached a hand back, feeling for the bandage he'd hastily stuck on days ago. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry I kissed you."

"You said that already." What was probably Ender's head thumped against the door. Bonzo snickered to himself, another lock shuckling shut. "C'mon, its not like it's gonna kill you to tell me. You give me the reason, I leave, we go back to the ways things we-"

"But I don't want to go back to that!" Ender shouted, childishly slamming his feet. Bonzo jumped, startled.

"You'd rather do this? Fight with me about dumb shit for the rest of eternity?"

Ender sniffled and said, "Its better than being alone forever."

"Is that why? Cause you don't want me to leave?"

"Maybe. I don't really know."

"Welp. I've gotten what came for." Bonzo stood up and began to walk off. "Bonzo?"

"What?"

"Were you lonely?"

"No E-"

"Did you ever miss anyone? Or did you convince yourself no one wanted to see you?" Bonzo spun around and slammed his hand against the barracks door.

"I was content till you showed up! And now I've been kicked, kissed, and generally inconvenienced! And why," Bonzo hit the door again. "do you keep asking all these fucking questions! What do you care?"

Each lock clicked open in perfect time, and Ender quickly pushed through his makeshift barrier. "I-" He started, stopped, then swiftly kneed Bonzo's crotch. Bonzo's face scrunched up in pain, but he keep upright. "Bastard." He wheezed. Ender just grimaced.

"Sorry."

"You're not really sorry."

"Yeah you're right."

"This fucking sucks."

"Getting kicked in the dick?"

"No, whatever the fuck this is." Bonzo gestured to the both of them and then to the lockers in front of the Dragon barracks door. "I'd rather be alone than with someone I hate."

"Do you…really hate me?"

"Ender we're going in fucking circl-" A horrible hissing sound spawned from the tube lights above them, and with a flash they burst. Ender instinctively shoved Bonzo down as the sparks flew, electricity crackling and a gentle burning smell filling the air. "What the h-" Another hiss, and the lights down the hall burst as well. Hiss after hiss came, what seemed like every light in the battle school bursting all at once. The boys layed there still, waiting a few minutes after the last pop to get up. "What the fuck?!" Ender whispered, Bonzo whimpering underneath him. He went to get up, but a needle-like sensation slowly rose in his gut. He slid back down, groaning. "Ender?"

"The pain's back. Big time."

"But we…oh no."

"Oh no what?"

"Ender do you remember how you died?"

"No!

"Well you might just be finding out." Bonzo got up and slung Ender over his shoulder. "Put me down!" Bonzo ignored Ender, and flicking on his desk's flashlight, headed towards the 3rd floor boys bathroom.

"Well that's kinda upsetting." Bonzo just shrugged, rolling up his pants leg, setting Ender against the wall. He waded through the red, brackish water towards the shower knobs.

"You sure its not blood?"

"Taste it."

"Absolutely not."

"Then I guess you'll never know." Ender frowned, nausea rising along with the pain. "What this have to do with my death?"

"Why do you think this happens?"

"Cause you bled out in the showers."

"So why did the lights blow out? And," Bonzo ducked back into the hallway, a lone light slowly buzzing back on. "Why are they coming on again?" Ender just sat there confused. The only things he knew were it was February, it was on Eros, he was looking for the others...there was, what was he, Russian? He was cursing in Russian. He was crying in Russian. "Who was Russian?" Bonzo asked, Ender realizing he'd been talking out loud. "Its nothing." Ender said, and resumed his rambling. The lights were out, he didn't really see him, just slammed his face into him. He said he was sorry, but for what? He was pointing something at him. A, a… "A gun!" Ender blurted out. "A what?" Bonzo said worriedly. "A gun! He shot…me…in the st-" Ender whipped around and vomited into the shower. "Ender!" He desperately tried to catch his breath, Bonzo rubbing a supportive hand across his back. He turned back around, leaning against the wall and panting. "Hey, hey, look at me buddy, can you look here End?" Ender just sat there, staring into the nothing. "Cmon End, look here." He turned slightly, glancing at Bonzo. "Good, good End." Bonzo patted the sides of Ender's face, the pain in his stomach slowly subsiding. "You're crying End." Tears rolled down his cheeks, yet he didn't feel it. "He shot me." He choked. "All I wanted to do was see my friends and he shot me." Bonzo just nodded, running his hands over Ender's hair. "Shhhh, End. I'll clean this up okay?" He turned on the shower head and washed the vomit down the drain. Something, however, glimmered in the light and caught Ender's eye. He snatched it before Bonzo could tell him not to, and gasped. "End put the bullet down." He stared at it, and again broke out in tears. Bonzo sighed and picked Ender up again. "Lets get some sleep." He trotted off towards the Dragon Barracks. Ender glimpsed back, and watched as the water receded back into the shower heads, nothing but a reddish mark left of the flooded bathroom. He stared back down at the floor and passed out.


	5. Sorry bout that

The lights were too bright.

"Turn them off!" He cried, the tube lights shutting off, but the orangish glow remained. Someone closed the door after his yell. He buried his face into the pillows, his stomach aching. Sneakers papped somewhere nearby by, cursing in Spanish. "Hello?" Ender said dazed, whoever it was just shushing him. "Two more hours Cabrón." Ender looked around, and noticed the electric clock on the wall. It was 5:04 a.m. Alright Ender, he thought, you're gonna wake up at 7:04, then you're gonna figure where the hell you are. Ender lowered his head back down and fell back asleep.

"Ender." Someone was shaking him. He swatted lazily at the intruder, who only shook him harder. "Ender its been 6 hours get up!" Ender sat up, his body like lead and his mind foggy at best. "Bonzo?" The boy above him nodded. "How long have I been out?"

"About 10 hours now." Ender's eyebrows flew up. He hadn't slept that long in years! He turned towards the clock, and watched astonished as the minute turned to 11:38. He groaned, stretching. Things came back slowly, and he stared absent-mindedly at the bullet on the nearby end table. "When did I get here?" He mumbled.

"Dragged you back here after the incident. You went out like a light for about 2 hours then were completely out of it for like hour and a half. Eventually though you drifted back off." More groaning. Ender was not handling this well. Then again, collapsing and hyperventilating in a bathroom wasn't exactly dealing with it well. But, things would be easier if he stuck by Ender, at least till this passed. Then he could leave.

But Ender didn't want that did he?

He wanted him to stay, he couldn't deal with himself without someone. It was how he got himself killed. He needed someone, something to hold onto.

Bonzo, though, shouldn't be it.

"You look fine to me, so I'll be off."

"Wait!" Damnit. "Stay. Just…for a little bit longer." Bonzo sighed, plopping down on floor. Ender smiled, that odd nervous little smile that made him just a little bit cuter than usual. "I-" Bonzo stopped mid-sentence. He couldn't say that out loud. "You what?" Ender said, tilting his head slightly. "Nothing." Ender sighed, reaching down and patting Bonzo's head. He frowned, but didn't stop him. "Bonzo?"

"Yes?"

"Do you hate me?"

"…No."

"Bonzo?"

"Sí?"

"Please don't leave." Bonzo mumbled something incoherent. "I'll go get my mattress."

He really was pretty wasn't he?

Ender had been staring at Bonzo for at least 20 minutes while the other dozed. He'd actually put his entire mattress into the barracks, and then swore he'd be awake for Ender.

And promptly slipped into a sleep coma.

His skin so smooth, his arms so built, his face gently angled downwards to a strong chin. His voice, stern but silky, like you should already know who he is but he'll explain it anyway. And in a sick sort of way the rise and fall of his chest was a comfort. He gently ran a hand over Bonzo's soft cheek, wondering if things could've been different. "Ender?" Bonzo's eyes fluttered open, hand lying on Ender's. They stayed there, breathing gentle and slow. Eventually though, Ender removed his hand. "Go back to sleep," Ender whispered, patting Bonzo's head. "sorry to wake you."

"I don't mi-" Bonzo started, but Ender had already rolled back over. "I don't mind at all."

"Bonzo." Bonzo rolled over and promptly smacked his entire face into the floor. He groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "What do I do now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I…what am is supposed to do with the rest of existence?"

"Whatever you want really. I've already fixed everything, so the entire stations free-game." Ender stared down at the cement floor. "I…I don't understand why this happening." Bonzo sighed, patting Ender's back. "I don't know either, but I'm not going to let you sit around miserable."

"Why? I thought we were rivals." Bonzo made an 'ehhhhh' noise, shrugging. Ender gave a sad smile, remembering his first impressions of the boy sitting in front of him. "Hey, so you know how when I was high I said you had pretty eyes?" Ender giggled nervously.

"Yes?"

"Well, um, when I got assigned to Salamander, that's like the first thing I noticed. Eyes I could follow." Ender was laughing now, eyes worried still. "So pretty. But mean. Really mean. Still pretty though."

"Funny. After the whole painkiller incident that's what I thought about you." Bonzo remarked, Ender's laughter gone. His mouth hung open, his mind racing. "You think I'm pretty?" He whispered.

"Well pretty's not exactly the word I'd use but cute? Completely adorable? Absolutely." Ender glowed a particularly handsome shade of red, Bonzo's face turning scarlet to match. He slid down next to Bonzo, leaning in close. "I-I like you. A lot."

"(Sigh) Yeah. Me too." Silence.

Staring.

Ender swiftly pushed his face against Bonzo's, their lips luckily meeting in the frantic movement. He set his arms on his shoulders, the other just leaning into Ender's embrace. Bonzo straddled Ender's waist, remembering how much he missed his velvety lips. Ender twisted, trying to think how he'd done it in his fantasies. Bonzo moved with him, ignoring his lungs as they begged for oxygen. They stayed there, completely enthralled with each other, till Ender felt himself turning from red to blue. He pulled off, panting, a long line of spit connecting them. Ender pulled Bonzo back in, desperate for another taste. "Wait a damn minute and let me breathe." Bonzo hissed, though not maliciously. Ender leaned back, hitting the bottom of his bunk with a gentle thunk. Bonzo wiped his mouth, chuckling at how flustered Ender seemed to be. "So, uh…"

"Yeah."

"Should we?"

"I don't know."

"I love you." Bonzo grabbed the collar of Ender's shirt, kissing him gentler than before. Ender's hands held his shoulders, smiling into the kiss and prefering Bonzo's slower pace. There was an odd taste the other, almost like energy drinks and arrogance had formed a taste. Bonzo pulled away, any hardness in his eyes having melted seemingly in an instant.

"I love you too Ender."

[ aight so this didnt go through right the first time, here's the proper chapter end. Sorry about the delays buy with school and crap I dont know how the update schedule will be. Thanks for idugling this, there will hopefully be more to our lovers story.]


	6. THey dont shut up in this one

"There, so you'll shut up about it." Things had not changed as much as Ender expected. They still argued over nothing. Ender wanted to cook things, Bonzo didn't want to fix the stoves since Ender was the one who broke the toaster, Ender would bring up that the toaster only broke because Bonzo scavenged it for parts, and so on. But they were never real arguments, any real malice gone and replaced with gentle annoyance. Ender figured they still argued because it was the only way they really knew how to talk to one another. As much as they loved each other, there was an odd distance Ender wasn't really sure how to close, wasn't sure how to break. But grilled cheese meant that Bonzo had both fixed the stoves and made him lunch, so hopefully that distance wasn't as large as he thought. "Thanks." Ender took a bite and frowned. Bonzo forgot the butter. "What's up with the no butter thing?"

"Oh yeah, we're out of butter."

Ender poked his head out of the cabin door. "Out?!"

"Yeah? It's why I don't make flatbread anymore."

"You made the flatbread?"

"Ender at this point if something happens and it isn't bad, then it was probably me."

"Aight whatever but doesn't this mean we're going to run out food eventually?"

"We don't really need to eat."

"Oh. Right." Being dead was also another fact he'd never really thought about. The lights thankfully hadn't gone out again, but lately the whole dead thing was being thrown in his face a lot more. He'd started to notice that he never gained or lost weight despite how little he ate anymore. He hadn't slept for more than two hours a day before the incident, yet always he felt as if he'd just woken up from a day's worth of napping. His stomach ached, never as badly as before, but always he could taste blood in his mouth, a cruel reminder of just how stupid he'd been. Part of Ender wanted to ask Bonzo about this, being that he'd likely dealt with these annoyances already, but that would mean bringing up the exact circumstances of his death. Nothing was going to get better till he did though, so he might as well try.

"Hey Bonzo?"

"Yeah?"

Ender suddenly lost the tiny bout of nerve he'd had. "I, um, actually you know what nevermind."

He'd been doing that a lot lately. Ender would start a question, get a guilty look on his face, then act like he hadn't said anything. Bonzo wasn't stupid. He knew what he wanted. He knew he couldn't talk about it. It was so silly, this…game they were playing. Trying to step-toe around each other's trauma was polite, but really fucking tiring. Wasn't like they had to announce it every time they were together. Had to just acknowledge at some point.

"No, what'd you say?"

"It's not really important right now."

"Like hell. Tell me."

"I just don't want to get into it right now!"

"You wanna talk about the murder situation."

"No! Just been having pains again."

"So take more pain killers."

"Is that how you dealt with it?"

"Yes, but I died in a shower and you got shot. Not everything I did will work for you. We should talk about it Wiggin."

"If we have to talk about death can I ask you about your Dad?"

"He was a bastard. Easy. Next."

"Bonzo, can we please just not talk about it today?"

"Will tomorrow work?"

"No."

"So, when? Or we are pretending you didn't kill me." Ender grimaced, glaring. Bonzo just waved a hand and went back to his work.

"This is why I don't like to talk about it!" He yelled. The lights above his head flickered off, Ender's shoulders sinking. He hadn't meant to raise his voice.

"Bonzo?" He was working on the graviton engine, menial repairs really, but the engine had a smoke problem that left him coated in a grayish haze. Ender took a nearby rag and gently held Bonzo's chin as he wiped off the visor of his helmet. He wished he wouldn't wear it so much, if only because the years of grime and buildup made it impossible to see. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"It's fine, I was kind of pushing it anyway."

"I really just can't talk about here."

"Then where? America? The barracks? I want you to be comfortable but some topics just…aren't. Doesn't mean we can't talk about them."

"I know. I just don't want to say something that creates that rift between us again." Bonzo pulled off his helmet and grabbed Ender's collar, pulling him in and kissing him. He pulled away, Ender grinning like an idiot. "Things have changed Ender. I couldn't imagine doing half the things I did to you before now. And talking about something important that will only snowball into a larger issue isn't going to break this relationship." Ender exhaled and nodded. Bonzo kissed his cheek, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist.

"Alright. But if we talk about this, we have to talk about your dad." Bonzo's face fell, but he nodded along anyway. They got up, and after picking up some snacks in the cafeteria, sat down in Dragon for a long day.

"I don't get what made you so mad." He was so calm about everything. Like this wasn't a horrendous crime. Like it wasn't murder.

"I wanted to be good. Better than anyone. Going from doting parents to Military school left me attention starved. So when everyone wanted to watch the new kid, guess I felt like I had to take back my throne."

"Are you angry with me? For what I did?"

"Not really. I came at you first. Found that footage of you and Dink right after the fight, and he was right. I thought I'd won. Really did."

"Did…"

"Did it hurt? Oh yeah like hell. I could just feel it pushing in, and tried to lay perfectly still so it didn't get worse."

"It?"

"My nose. The bone went up in my brain." Maybe shouldn't have been so blunt. Ender looked like he was going to vomit.

"I'm so sorry."

"Why the hell are you apologizing for something I did?" Ender stopped. He'd…never truly thought about it like that. It was always his fault, his fault he didn't run, his fault he didn't try to stop him. But now, sitting across from Bonzo, the part of him that had always told him he'd done what he had to seemed a lot louder than usual. And Bonzo wasn't trying to be rude or blunt. He'd just seen things as what they were a lot sooner than Ender; one boy protecting himself from another clearly out for blood. Ender realized in that moment what happened to Bonzo…simply wasn't his fault to begin with.

"Huh." Ender said, staring off into the nothing.

"Huh?" Bonzo mimicked, slightly worried.

"I just…think I get it now." Ender chewed on his nails, an old habitat he'd never really managed to kick. "Maybe."

"Maybe."

"You're rather slow when you fight." Bonzo grabbed a pillow and tossed it at Ender, who didn't bother to duck. "Don't." He muttered. Ender leaned in to him, the weight on his chest gone.

"I love you, you know that right?"

"Of course." He pushed himself up and kissed Bonzo's cheek, both almost sensing the rift between them closing.

"Now about your Dad."

" _Follame._ " Bonzo whispered.


	7. The Ansible

It was too hot. Summer always was in Spain. Oranges surrounded him, but they wouldn't help. Normally they'd vacation near the beaches, but that wasn't for another few weeks. Vacation wouldn't come this year though. They'd send for him a few days, told him to enjoy his last days before space.

Space.

He was going to space.

It was simple concept, but rather frustratingly he couldn't seem to wrap his mind around it. Space. The exosphere which contained the other planets and Earth's space stations and such. He would go up to Battle School. He'd fight the Buggers. They'd win, he'd be a hero, find a good job, good wife, settle down.

Simple.

But oddly terrifying.

He couldn't go. What would happen to his family? His friends? Then again, his parents would probably divorce soon and the only friend he had was a plush snake. He peeled himself off the grass and again stared up at the sky. How silly to think of life after the war.

He'd probably die up there.

"What kind of edgy fucking 7-year old were you?" Bonzo threw another pillow at Ender. This was supposed serious!

"Oh please, like you never contemplated life Mr. Prodigy." He snarled.

"Nah, I wondered if they were going to kill me." Ender laughed, then stopped when he saw Bonzo staring at him like he was nuts. "Ender what the fuck."

"What? What were they going to do with me?"

"I don't fucking know but they wouldn't just euthanize a child!"

"They let me kill Stilson!"

"Stilson?"

"Lat-"

"Don't later me how many other kids have you murdered? Do we need a support group?"

"Bonzo I promise you I'm not murdering around. Happened the same way you did. Way too fast."

"Whatever. But I just kinda sat there like a chump whining to myself about life but didn't do anything."

"Why were they splitting up?"

"Bonzo, I'm leaving for the office. Are you coming with me?"

"No." He couldn't see Mother, but he knew she was smiling.

"He wants to spend his day at home Amoro."

"No!" Both looked up. "I don't want to spend time with either of you!" He raced off to his room, neither of his parents following thankfully. How silly to throw a tantrum. He'd never done before, and two days before the IF man was coming back was a bad time to start. Oh how he hated both of them, how they used him for attention, how Father was unfaithful, how Mother refused to tell him the whole truth. He would've stayed if they'd told him. A little honesty in the family would be nice every now and then. Knocking came on the door, interrupting his thoughts. "Bonzo sweetheart come out." He could feel tears rolling down his cheeks, but he yelled back anyway. He never was quite sure what he said, but the knocking went away. He could see his suitcase, neatly stacked in his closet with the rest of his outgrown and church clothes. So hastily, and rather silly actually, he packed a case and demanded to be taken to his grandmother's after IF's visit. When they tried to convince him to stay, to stay home, to stay on Earth, he simply raised his voice, till they caved. For once Mother left while Father cried over him, still begging as if he of all people could change his mind.

"They just…let you do that?"

"I was the king of the house. My word was law, and that day the word was Battle School." Ender tried to watch Bonzo's eyes. The usual deep caramel had been replaced by a hazy brown, regret and sadness radiating off the other. "I really hate 'em Ender. But damnit I miss 'em too. Why the hell do I-" He was crying now, choking out words. "Why the hell do I miss 'em?"

"Cause they were your parents man." Bonzo smashed his face into Ender's chest, sobbing. "And I think you loved them. A lot." Bonzo pounded his fists against the bunk behind them, tears staining his tank top. Ender rubbed a gentle hand across his back, shushing the tiny spaniard in his arms. They sat there for what seemed like hours, Bonzo howling in pain and Ender desperately trying to calm him down. But soon his crying had subsided into wet murmurs, the smaller incredibly disorientated though. The ground seemed to have disappeared, the only solid thing in the world being Ender. He clutched to his sweatshirt, soft hands wiping at his tears and wrapping him in a nearby sheet. "We all cried out?" Bonzo nodded, Ender kissing the top of his head. Shakily he stood up, leaning against Ender as he walked back to the Salamander cabin. He practically collapsed in his bed, Ender lying next to him and thanking his small size. Both drifted off, unaware of the ping of their desks. But when they awoke, that simple ping would snowball into most massive repair project Bonzo had ever undertaken.

"They even got reception up there?" Stilson waved a dismissive hand. It didn't matter if they answered or not, just being able to get a message up there was all that mattered. If they had really gotten their half of satellite communications running again, that means they could start using the anisible. Someone else had to be out there. Stilson knew it. "What do we do if they actually respond?"

"Have a conversation? Duh?" A response would be amazing, but Stilson knew it was far fetched. The only person he could think to be up there was some guy named Bonzo, and he didn't seem like the most pleasant person. "Stil, for the last time, are you sure about this? Cause I'm not gonna lie, I'm sure as hell not." Stilson rubbed his temple, than turned around.

"Christ Poke, calm your ass. This'll work, and we'll finally be off of this dump of a planet." Both kids stole a look up at the sky, watching as the dual blues of the Battle School flashed in the sky.

"We're coming Ender. Just a little longer."


	8. Commincations with the dead

Ping!

Ping!

"Turn off your desk."

"You first."

"Don't be a dick." Ender reached over and got his desk, turning down the alert volume. But something caught his eye about the little notification. "You send this Bon?"

"Hell no." Ender's brow furrowed and he quickly unlocked his desk and checked it. The message was rather simple, but also rather alarming. It read,

 _ **Hey.**_

 _ **Hey you.**_

 _ **I don't know who you are and you don't know me, but if you've got a ship and are willing to deal with two kids for a while could you give us a ride? We got payment, gold, tech, whatever, and this dump of a planet isn't getting any better. We're in the middle of Maryland, next to that weird Bear themed burger joint. - Stilson and Poke, maybe the last humans alive (maybe).**_

"Who was it?" Ender stared, completely dumbfounded by what he was reading. Stilson? Stilson was here? Of course, it was very simple why Stilson was here, dying under sketchy circumstances seemed to be what got you in to this place, but he didn't think he could…handle Stilson. Right after the past month with Bonzo? And who was Poke?"

"Yo End who was it?" He didn't respond, just handed Bonzo the desk. "Oh…shit." Ender fell back onto the bed, already exhausted before they'd even responded. This would be a mess. What if someone else responded? Would they have to leave? Would he still be mad? Did Stilson and Poke have food? Did they need food? Was the Bugger Queen he-

"Smile." Bonzo slid next to him, holding up the desk and snapping a picture. Ender smiled nervously, then immediately stole the desk back. "Hey!"

"We can't just respond!"

"Why not?"

"I-" Ender didn't really know what to tell him. "I don't want to get wrapped up in this!"

"Whatta you mean 'wrapped up'?"

"Bonzo if Stilson's here too then who else is? The godamn Formic Queen could be here for we know!"

"There's a Formic Queen?" The blood drained from Bonzo's face, Ender only now remembering that the Queens weren't public knowledge.

"Yeah but it okay though. It's just a thought, and they weren't coming to attack us anyway." Ender said quickly, patting the other's back, but he didn't seem convinced.

"Yet."

"Bonzo."

"Yet." He sighed, then turned back to the desk. It wasn't the most flattering picture he'd ever taken, Bonzo calm and cool while he looked like he'd been hit with a fist full of nervous horse gas. But it would do. "What do we tell them?"

"We're up here, we don't have a ship yet but we could fix up a jetter from the landing pad." Jetter. Like he was one of the pad mechanics. Christ he was adorable sometimes.

"How?!"

"We got books. That's how I learned everything else." Ender frowned, but typed the message anyway.

 _Hey._

 _This is the Battle School, currently housing only two students. We don't have a ship, but Bonzo says he fix one of the smaller ships, so you're not entirely out of luck. How did you guys get to Maryland? Also please who is Poke? - Ender Wiggin and Bonzo Madrid, the other half of the last four humans (maybe.)_

"That's a cute ending. Why the last names?"

"Felt important."

Three hours passed.

Ping!

Both raced towards Ender's desk, quickly reading through the new message.

 _ **Morning Battle boys. This is Poke, not Stilson. It's good that you guys have a ship, and that you're also human. I woke up in Belgium, but took a boat when Stilson contacted me. Stilson says he's just always been in Maryland. Went to School here or something. Also Poke is me. The Poke. The Poke specially for the Battle boys. That Poke. - Poke alone, as Stilson is off yelling at the sky and screaming at God. (Also lowkey set up the other half of the anisble up there if you haven't already. Stilson says it's important.)**_

Below the message was a picture of the two, Poke a relatively tall girl with a dirty face, tattered coat and auburn hair. Stilson looked much older, almost as old as Ender, with a worn t-shirt and camo pants. The picture wasn't very recent, as it was taken at a shoreline and not a burger resturant, Poke's welcome boat just driven ashore behind them.

"Battle Boys?" Bonzo remarked, obviously annoyed.

"Shush."

"What's the Anisible?"

"Follow me." Ender rushed down the hallway, Bonzo grabbing the desk and chasing after him. He kicked open the door to Graff's office and slammed his shoulder into a locked door behind the desk. "Watch." Bonzo pushed Ender out of the way, backed up, got a running start, and slammed his entire into the door. The crumbling hinges gave way instantly, the door and Bonzo falling onto the floor. "Ooo." Ender quickly threw old tech and student logs out of the way, eventually moving the entire bookcase. Behind it, a control panel larger than Ender stood, everything blinking and buzzing at once. "There!" Bonzo pointed to a large panel labeled 'ANISIBLE' and Ender flicked the switch up. A secondary screen in the other room whirred to life, displaying all of the message the Earth kids had sent them.

 _Done. Is Stilson going to be okay? – Ender and Bonzo (Slightly concerned Battle Boys)_

The response was instantaneous.

 _ **Yeah! Now it won't take forever for the messages to go back and forth. Stilson's fine, but he says he to eat his butt. - Poke and Stilson**_

 _Do you think anyone else is listening in now? – Ender and Bonzo_

 _ **Don't you worry your pretty little heads Battle Boys. No one cares about a couple of kids on the nets sending some silly messages - Poke and Stilson**_

Bodoop!

He rushed back, dropping most of the coils he'd been carrying. Eros was practically falling apart, the work far too much for one man, especially an old man such as himself. He flipped up the desk on the table, a flood of messages coming in. Someone had repaired the Anisible.

Someone else was out there.

 **Hello?**

 _ **Who is this?**_

 **Who are you? What are you doing on the Anisible?**

 _Calm down. Please state your name. – Ender and Bonzo_

 **Ender? Ender it's Mazer. Mazer Rackham.**


	9. Going back to School

Ender was alive.

And he wouldn't shut up. Message after frantic message came into the Anisible, Mazer desperately trying answer each one as it came. It wasn't just Ender yelling at him through the little screen, but also two young children on Earth and that boy Ender was supposed to have killed. All their questions were quickly sent without a second thought, no time for him to think on one before the next came. This wouldn't do.

 **Enough! All of you, one at a time. Everyone can get answers, just please slow down.**

 _ **Uh yeah hey Poke here, are you like…really Mazer or are you punking us because this would be a real shitty prank.**_

 **Poke I can assure you I am the real Mazer. Don't really know who else I would be.** Poke was a rather odd name for a child.

 _Where…are you? How did you die? Are the others there, like Graff and Cham? (Also Bonzo says hi) – Ender_ The others were gone. Still alive, dealing with the fallout of having both Admirals die within mere hours of each other.

 **I believe I'm still on Eros, or at least that's what it looks like. As far as I know I simply passed due to old age. I'd already served my purpose to that world, I didn't need to stay. The others are still alive, though Graff might be here sooner rather than later. (Hello Bonzo)**

 _ **Mister Rackham no offence because you're a hero and I wouldn't be here and all, but I think it's kinda funny that it wasn't a Bugger or traitor that killed you, but just being old as BALLS.**_ Mazer smiled. It was nice to be treated as a person who could be playfully mocked, not some legend which had to respected no matter what.

 _Not to be rude but Poke's right. Do you have a ship on Eros? Stilson and Poke need a ride off planet. (Have you dealt with the Formics at all?)_

 **No ship, but I do have more than enough parts to potential fix one. And no, I haven't seen the Formics. You don't need to worry about them. I can get to you Ender, though it might be a little dangerous.**

 _That's your decision sir. It be nice to have you back, but whether or not to go is completely your choice._ Mazer was going. He couldn't stand Eros, and a nagging part of him in the very back of his mind was worried for Ender. Mazer didn't want to admit it, but he'd grown increasingly fond of Ender during their time together, almost like the son he'd had but never gotten a chance to meet. Did he have food? Water? Was the Bonzo kid giving him trouble? They seemed to be getting along, but who knew how long that would last. Mazer jogged to the hallway labeled MD, pushing open the door and bending down to a small purplish circle. There was an identical circle in Graff's secret room, wide enough to hold a man with a little panel in which to input coordinates. A sign behind announced that the little circle told the user it was an emergency exit, only to be used in a planet meltdown or direct attack. He inhaled, stepped on, input the Battle School coordinates that he knew by heart, exhaled and hit go.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Both boy's heads swiveled to the room next to them, cautiously opening the door. There on the floor lied none other than Mazer Rackham, clutching his ribs as he got up. Ender immediately helped him up, a small tan boy with a green helmet standing in the doorway, ogling the aging war hero. "Why was there a bookcase on top of the-"

"We had to move it to turn on the anisible sir. So sorry. Are you hurt sir? The trip across safe sir?" The other boy, who must have been Bonzo, rattled off quickly, obviously unsure of how exactly to act around Mazer.

"Christ Bon he's fine." Bon? Maybe their relationship wasn't so strained after all. "Mazer, this is Bonzo." Mazer waved. "He's my, um, boyfriend."

"Oh."

"Oh?" Bonzo said, slightly annoyed.

"I just happen to know the circumstances of your death, so this a surprise. Not a bad one, just a surprise." Bonzo grimaced, wrapping his arm around Ender's waist. Ender gently pushed him off, showing Mazer to the Anisible in the other room. "Not bad. The station work like this always?" He said, looking around. Nothing worked on Eros, and he didn't really have the skills to fix an entire station. "Bonzo fixed it up sir. I was, well moping I guess." Ender laughed, the other boy eyeing him. "Have you tried to access any of this?" He typed away at Graff's old logs, moving past the personal logs with a certain amount of disinterest. "N-"

"I have. Got what I wanted about the gravity engine and the lights, but the rests classified shit I didn't need to go snooping around in."

"Language." Ender already knew Bonzo's face was going a light shade of red. "Anyway, we could use his logs and such to fix the ship on the deck. Do you have one of the star-shooters?"

"A jetter? Yeah."

"Before we do anything, we should probably eat." Ender butted in. Mazer nodded and followed Ender towards the cafeteria, but Bonzo stayed behind.

 _Mazer got here safe, and we might be able to fix up a jetter for you guys. He kinda rude though. Ender keeps acting like the world's fucking fixed now that he's here. – Bonzo_

 _ **Maybe you're just jealous Ender has someone new to talk to. But the ship's good news. (Also if I was an old war legend I'd say whatever I wanted if only because no one could stop me.) - Poke and Stilson**_

" _AH, FUCKHANDS MCMIKE, KING OF SHIT MOUNTIAN. WHAT A WONDERFUL SURPRISE." "Yo how can he talk to Commander Chamrajnagar like that?" "Shut the hell up man he saved our asses he can say whatever he wants."_

 _ **Lol, that's worse than what I've heard about that one Battle school guy who had a country accent.**_

 _That was Graff. I got chewed out once by him, it was so confusing. "Y'all'dve known better." "Sir no offence but what the fuck did you just say?" "Y'ain't questioning my authority now are you?" "Sir please how the hell are you doing that with your mouth?"_

 _ **OMFG**_

"He's an odd choice." Ender stared up at Bonzo, who was still typing away at the anisible. He just shrugged, aware that they weren't the most traditional of love stories. "What happened Ender?"

"What?"

"They gave me the news right before I passed. It might," Mazer covered his face and chuckled, the sound more pained than humorous. "it might have just killed me. Finally too much for me take." Ender placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, Mazer sinking down slightly.

"I missed you Ender." Ender grinned.

"Me too sir."

(Just wanted to add a quick authors note here. I just want to thank aewdragon for not only following the story but constanly reviewing and giving me their thoughts. You're one the reasons I haven't abandoned this little passion project, I'm so grateful. Also shoutout to a really old fic on here by 'moon's the limit' called "Fifteen years too late." It was the orginal inspritation for the story, and Endzo (or Boner lol) fan or not you should consider giving it a read. This is it for now, hopefully updates can stay frequent. Night.)


	10. Mind Mauling

"Ender." Someone was touching Ender's face. He smacked their hands away, but they poked his side instead. "What?" Bonzo immediately shoved a book into Ender's face, beaming. "The ships in shambles! It'll takes weeks!"

"Isn't that bad?"

"Well, yes, for Stilson and Poke. But this'll be great! You can help me and I want to fix the light engine and blah blah bla blah…" Bonzo melded into the background noise of the station, Ender enjoying the pleasantness of his voice but barely absorbing any of what he was saying. It was cute, his excitement over something as boring as repairing a ship. Ender envied him some days, surprised by how much pleasure he took in his work. He knew Bonzo could care less if the Battle School fell apart, but the fact that he kept it running was his little pride, and Ender loved seeing the way his face lit up when Mazer complimented his upkeep. His old mentor and new boyfriend seem to be getting along, though Mazer seemed slightly afraid of Bonzo, as if he would lash out randomly. "Anyway I'm going to start work on this okay?" Ender nodded, falling back into his bed. He slipped peacefully off, things finally looking up after 3 years of isolation.

For a second he thought he was a ghost. But their uniforms were black, and Ender knew their were no black uniforms, bereavement or not. The faces looked right though, and bewildered Ender realized it was a dream. He was dreaming. Ender hadn't dreamed since he died and it was not a welcome change. It was Mazer's room, blankets overturned, blood dripping from the bed's middle. The stench was terrible, death and pain filling the air and turning Ender's stomach. Cham and Graff were there, Graff sobbing into his hands while Cham glared at him. "Where were you?" He asked, choking out the words more than saying them. "I…Mazer…he was just…"

"He's gone."

"But he was here a second ag-"

"He's gone!" Graff screamed, immediately throwing open the window and vomiting out it. Ender's head spun, lights blurring and Graff's voice echoing throughout the room. He looked down at his hands, teeth marks appearing over his fingers. "No!" The nightmares were back. "I don't want to do this again!"

"Mphm!" Ender jolted up, his scream muffled by something in his mouth. He spit it out, and saw that it was skin. Looking down at his hands, a large bloody spot where the skin of his right palm should have been dripped down onto his sheet, pain welling up till it was unbearable.

"MAZER!" He yelled, but heard no response. Again he called, and then again. The gentle paps of sneakers and dress shoes approached, Mazer and Bonzo bursting into the room. The eldest quickly pushed Bonzo out of his way and scooped Ender up, Bonzo watching terrified as several smaller bites on his left hand began to bleed as well. "End? End sweetheart look at me c'mon look here." But Ender did not turn, staring up at the stoic face of his mentor as they jogged to the infirmary. "I thought we were over this." Mazer hissed, voice angry but face full of concern. Ender shrugged.

"What do you mean 'over this'? He's done this before?" Bonzo asked, watching fearfully as Mazer bandaged Ender's hands.

"Back in Eros, in the weeks before the final battle. He doesn't do it on purpose, it was the stress. Now…I'm not quite sure."

"And you didn't slow down?"

"Excuse me?"

"Ender was eating his own fucking hands and you didn't think to give him a slight break?"

"Bonzo the fleet was arriving in mere days at that point, we couldn't!"

"Well, did you give him something to make him stop?"

"It's just what happens with his nightmares!"

"They have dream suppressants!" Mazer stopped and looked directly at him.

"We did what we thought was right. I can assure the station doctor knew more about this than you."

"No wonder he wanted his friends. No wonder he did what he did."

"Are you implying what Ender did was my fault?"

"Yeah Kinda!" Bonzo was yelling now. "This is what people do when they're going to something drastic! My last week? I snapped at everyone! I clocked some kid with my gun instead freezing him! I tried to pick a fight with a damn teacher! People don't just randomly do shit!" Bonzo climbed up on the infirmary table to match Mazer's height. His face was practically violet, and Mazer reckoned it looked like Graff's face when he gave him the news about Ender then blamed him. "So yeah, maybe I do blame you! For seeing this shit, doing nothing, then acting like some big surprise when Ender goes and something despr-!"

"STOP!" Both turned back towards Ender. He was crying, long thin streaks running down his cheeks. "Just stop it!" He hiccupped and swatted at the other two. Mazer went to hold his wrists, but he slapped him, rolling over on the table. "End? Baby?"

"Don't yell at Mazer. He didn't know, none of them knew."

"Of course. I won't _hermoso._ "

Ender pointed at Mazer. "You can't yell either. He just wants me to be safe. He doesn't want me to hurt myself." Mazer nodded, rubbing Ender's back. "I'm sorry End."

"Me too." Ender just whimpered, getting up. "I'm going to bed again."

"Okay sweetheart." Slowly, but surely, the lights in the station flickered off.

"Ender?" The door shlunked open, Ender gently poking his head out the door. Bonzo, no helmet and a pair of jeans with a black t-shirt, dressed up considering his usual tank and sweats.

"Why are you wearing a belt?"

"I wanted to look nice. And apologize for earlier."

"It's fine. Did you mean it though? When you said blamed Mazer."

"I…guess. I just wished he'd taken this," He motioned to Ender's hands, "a little more seriously."

"He said the others were worse."

"Doesn't mean he can't take a minute to make sure things are okay." He stared down at his feet, but Ender lifted up his face and kissed him. Bonzo cupped his cheek, pulling Ender into his arms. They broke away, but kept their lips touching, just staring into each other's eyes. "I made you dinner. And a toaster." Ender laughed.

"How do you make a toaster?"

"Useless rocket parts." Both burst out laughing, wandering over to cafeteria.

 **He's so much kinder than me.**

 _ **Ender sees something we don't. Especially people like Bonzo.**_

 **I don't want to lose him.**

 _ **Someone else doesn't mean he doesn't still love you.**_

They were in love. Mazer could see it in their eyes. He'd looked at people like that, his wife and Cham. But it was easier for them. They didn't push away from what happened. They knew they'd fucked up and they made good on it. Mazer could never do that. But…maybe for Ender.

Maybe.


	11. Red Goop

"Oh, well that's a day-maker." Ender looked up and quickly rolled out of the way. A large chunk of rocket engine had nearly smacked him in his face. Bonzo nervously peered over the edge, sighing in relief as Ender glared up at him. "Please be careful." Mazer hissed for the back of the ship before going back to his work on the exhausts. "Are you sure I can't help?" Ender said, gently prodding at the ships warp engine. "Ender, you have no experience and this ship could explode any minute. I shouldn't even be letting Bonzo help." Bonzo grimaced. Sighing, Ender left the launch deck, bored. Bonzo worked on the ship all day, Mazer either slept or worked with him (Ender didn't recall Mazer being this sleepy but he reckoned old men were entitled to their napping.) which left him with nothing to do. He wandered through the station, looking for hidden doors and odd technology. He got back into coding, programming silly little games that had horrible endings. He tried to hang around the deck, but more often than not he was quickly shooed out. So, as he had nothing better to do, Ender messaged the Earth kids.

 _I'm so bored – Ender_

 _ **Why though - Poke and Stilson**_

 _Bonzo and Mazer are working on your rescue boat and I'm having flashbacks to before Bon. – Ender_

 _ **B.B = Before Bonzo/A.B. = After Bonzo. Just like seduce him or something. Lure Mazer into family bonding. I don't know I never had a boring moment. - Poke**_

Ender did not want to seduce Bonzo. The only thing he knew about seduction was his mother making ungodly amounts of Packzi and then feeding it to father with the fireplace on and Peter making retching noises. He just wanted more time with him again. So he booked it back to the launch deck and pulled on Bonzo's sleeve.

"Ye."

"I miss you." God he sounded like a child.

"So sit in the cockpit and talk to me."

"No!" Mazer yelled from the back.

"Why not?" Ender whined, climbing up next to Bonzo.

"Ender get down." Mazer said, getting annoyed.

"No."

"Ender!"

"I want to hang out with Bonzo, and if you trust me with an army why cant I sit on a damn airpl-"

"OFF!" Bonzo pushed Ender off the ship, a puff of smoke and then a quick burst of fire shooting up out of the light engine. Bonzo screamed, Ender watching in terror as he fell next to him. The skin on his face looked like it was boiling, blood pooling in the tiles. Mazer rushed down to his side and scooped him up, rushing another child to the infirmary.

"Dumb. What you did was stupid," Bonzo felt like his face was melting off. Bandages streaked across the left side of his face, skin numbed by the same painkiller he'd used for his migraines. "and I knew," Mazer's voice cracked, Ender watching as his composure slowly broke down. "this would happen. Yet I let you do it anyway!" Ender sat not too far away, hands tightly wrapped around his own. His left eye was unbandaged, but he could barely see out of it anyway, so it didn't matter. He reached down, pulling Ender's head to his lips and kissing it. Ender's chest heaved, then he broke, sobbing into Bonzo's side as Mazer rubbed a shaky hand down his back. Mazer got up, and after a full 3 minutes arguing pushed Ender aside, gave Bonzo a powerful sedative. "Get your rest, and everything," Mazer sighed and stared down at the floor, Ender crying harder. "will be fine."

"Bonzo?" It was Stilson. He waved, body heavy and not entirely on the ground. "Oh god, are you doing that astral projection shit Poke does when she sleeps?" He didn't know. He shrugged. He pulled some oranges out of his pocket, despite he didn't remember having any when he was sedated. Didn't care. He passed one to Stilson, who ate it, scared. "Rescue ship crash land or something?" Another voice, more feminine than Stilson's, came from the door of the restaurant, Poke watching confused but not surprised. "No. Stilson said I'm projecting." His voice wasn't his. It sounded like a 16-year-old Colombian kid, not his. Not bad, just weird. "Oh. What happened to your face?" Bonzo smacked himself in the face, feeling the twisted and scabbed skin all the way down to his collar bone. "Ship engine exploded, didn't get out of the way fast enough." The two nodded, obviously disappointed. "Why do you guys even want to go to space?"

"There's no one here." The world was getting blurrier and slowly Bonzo felt this temporary form recede into the ether from which it came. "Bye Battle Boy!"

Bonzo rolled off the table, groaning internally as he hit lukewarm water and not cold tile. He lazily swam up to the 3rd floor, pulling himself up in front of a mirror and tearing off his bandages. It wasn't as healed as it should've been, blood still drying around his nose. But it would have to do. He went around, flipping off the shower heads. The red stain remained though, a familiar ache in the back of his head starting back up. He should get his helmet. Where had he put it? He'd left it in the bunks this morning, but it could be anywhere at this point. He should've been wearing it earlier when the engine exploded. He should've been wearing when he died. Sure he would have looked silly, but he'd been safe. He would have had an advantage.

He would have _won._

At this point the showers had begun to drip again, slightly more crimson than usual. Bonzo tried not to think back on such things, especially now that Ender and him were dating. But it sat there in the back of his mind, that little thought of a different timeline. Sometimes it grew till it consumed his brain, till the only thing he could think about was what if. He'd been good. He'd been so good at what he did. Maybe not smarter than Ender, maybe not more talented than Ender, hell not even liked more than Ender! But he was strong, stronger than he had any right to be. Some days he was scared he'd relapse. They'd have a falling out, Bonzo would go back to resenting Ender, and one day he'd slip up. Ender was bigger than him, but still rather small, so it wouldn't be hard for him to lose his cool and do something drastic. It was never hard for him to do things he regretted later. Everything makes sense when you do it, he'd told his friend Blu once. It's why you do them, he'd said nonchantly. God, he was stupid, wasn't he? Bonzo could feel tears leaking out of his good eye, falling down into the thick crimson that coated his socks. He was stupid. His death was stupid, his life was stupid, his parents were stupid, stupid stupid STUPID!

"ARGH!" Bonzo spun around and slammed his fist into a shower head. It broke, the hose extension spraying boiling water at his face. He shrieked, falling backwards and smacking his face into the shower stall. He froze there in the water, watching as the ceiling seemed to swirl. He tried to move, to change things, but the red was to thick for him to get out. Realizing that he was trapped, Bonzo screamed, voice high and terrified. It echoed through the station, Mazer and Ender sprinting towards the bathroom. Ender immediately plunged into the Red, pulling Bonzo up as he bawled, Mazer dipping a finger into the goop. He stuck it in his mouth and grimaced. "It's blood."


	12. Power Structure

"Its not going to come out." Mazer set a plate of pancakes in front of Ender, who scrubbed furiously at Bonzo's tank top. He sighed as Ender kept going, desperately trying to rid the shirt of its pinkish color. He took the stain stick from Ender, throwing the shirt into a nearby washer, and shoved a pancake into Ender's face. Ender glared but ate it anyway. "He's calmed down." Ender nodded. "I finished the engines. Only another week or two till it's should be done." He nodded again, obviously still upset. "He asked if I knew where his helmet was. Do yo-?"

"I'll get it for him." Ender grabbed the pancakes and stalked off to Bonzo's cabin. Mazer hated to see him so upset. He knew Ender felt responsible for Bonzo's accident. He always took such things personally, just how he was.

"Bonnie?" Ender knocked, Bonzo rolling over and reaching for him. Ender scooted next to him, feeding him a pancake. "You feeling better?" He nodded, Ender kissing his forehead. He tried not to think about the twisted skin under his lips, of the books of ship blueprints on his desk. "I brought your helmet." He went to hand it to him, but Bonzo snatched it from him. Ender watched sadly as he put it on as fast as possible, sighing in relief as he clicked the visor down. "Thanks."

"Yep."

"You talk to Mazer about letting me work on the ship again?"

"Bonnie…"

"It was one mistake!"

"That burned half your face off!" Ender yelled, Bonzo drawing back in surprise. "Half of your face is gone! The part of your face that was there is gone!" Above the two sparks burnt the left wall as a large hole formed in the tube light. "If I have any say in it, you won't get within 20 feet of that ship ever again!" A particularly large spark flew off the light and singed Ender's shoulder, Ender yelping and smacking it. Bonzo stared up at the light, then sighed.

"Okay."

"I just want you to be safe. I don't want to have to wake up knowing you're gone again." Ender said, voice shaky. He tried to collect himself, but his body shivered against his control. He set Bonzo's pants on the end of his bed, and left before he could say thank you.

"Mazer?" Mazer set down his blow-torch, and walked over to Ender. God, he was small, wasn't he? Mazer of course couldn't talk, he was only 5''4, but Ender only reached his shoulders, not even. "I…you ever regret the way you phrased something?"

"I…"

"He's dead Mazer." Mazer felt like he would vomit. Graff was already sobbing, so it wouldn't make the situation worse. "He ran off, and when the lights came up there was nothing we could do." What could you do for someone shot point blank 6 times? Not much, Mazer reckoned. Not much at all.

"This is all your fault Mazer." Both men turned towards Graff, who gazed out the window, eyes empty.

"You were the one who wanted to keep him isolated! Mazer suggested telling him, don't you think that would have made this easier on him?"

"He would have never been able to do it then. But we could have let him visit sometimes, if Mazer didn't insist on keeping him. You set this up Rackham? Didn't want poor little Andrew to go down as a war criminal, did you?"

"Don't you accuse him!" Mazer leaned over the right side of his bed and threw up into the waste basket. It was oddly cathartic, acid burning as his stomach emptied. Silence overtook the room, the others averting their eyes but completely focused on him. He heaved again, and for a while they stood there, still. His arms shook as he lifted himself back up, his breaths short and raspy. Guilt welled up from the bottom of his heart as the world seemed to collapse. Again.

He'd lost his son again.

"Cham?" He said, voice barely audible.

"Yes?" Mazer gripped Cham's shoulder, the younger placing a steady hand on his arm.

"I always hated you the least." His arm gave way, and Mazer fell back down. Rolling over, he stared at Cham, who realized in horror what was happening. "Mazer!" Graff finally turned from window, and saw as Mazer's chest rose, then froze, the end of such a violent life more peaceful then it had any right to be.

"Mazer?" Mazer blinked back to reality, Ender looking at him, scared.

"Yes Ender, I have."

"Are you…okay?"

"Yes Ender. I'm just thinking about the past. How I should I have done things differently. But there is nothing I can do now."

"Do you…want to talk about it?"

"I-No." Flipping up the dryer lid, he handed Ender Bonzo's tank top. "Go give Bonzo his laundry."

"Mazer are you sur-"

"Yes! Go, before it gets cold." Ender hurried off, and again Mazer regretted what he'd said.

"Yo." Mazer groaned, sitting up. He still didn't know why he slept in Graff's old chair, it was far too big for him and left his back sore. "Can we talk?" He turned to face Bonzo, who stood uncomfortably close to him.

"I don't have much of a choice, do I."

"You don't." How silly. But he figured Bonzo wouldn't be much like Graff's description. Silly and foul tempered was more likely than cold and murderous. "When you got here, I thought I might just be jealous. Just got Ender to like me and now Dad shows up. But I was wrong. You are a fucking bastard, you sleepily little shit."

"Do you have any proof?"

"Ender crying in my cabin because you looked at him, and I would know this look, like you wished he'd never been born." No. Bonzo was lying. Boys like him lied often, it was in their nature.

"I did not!" His voice came out much louder than intended, but Mazer didn't care. He stood and near instantly the mere 4 inches he had on Bonzo became like a full foot. "I would never do such a thing. The only wish I've ever had for Ender was to protect him-"

"And you couldn't even fucking do that!"

 **This is all your fault Mazer.**

"LAUGUAGE!" Mazer's hand was quick and precise, not hard enough to hurt Bonzo but just enough to remind him which one of them was the adult. Bonzo cupped his check where Mazer had slapped him, backing away when he approached. "You have insulted me, you have insulted yourself, you're supremely out of line, and the best way for you to remedy your situation would be to-"

"I-"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Bonzo's back hit the wall, and looking at Mazer he saw the man who killed entire armies. So this is what you are, he thought silently. You love Ender too much to be get mad in front of him, but here you'd snap my neck. "If I made Ender upset, I will go apologize and try to mend what I've broken. But you have no place to tell me whether I deserve Ender's time or not. Because really, what do you know about Ender that I don't? That I couldn't find out?"

"I know I didn't trick him, and I know I didn't get him killed." Bonzo whispered. Furious, Mazer impulsively raised his hand again.

"MAZER!" Both men swiveled over towards the doorway, pure shock radiating off Ender. Bonzo scampered over and hid behind him. "I guess I must have forgot about that part." Ender said, tone flat but voice flushing.

"Ender I didn't-"

"Bonnie. The lights in your cabin broke. Can you fix it?" Bonzo nodded and scurried down the hall.

"Ender please you don't-"

"Don't you ever hit him again."

"I promise Ender please just look at me-"

"EVER!" Mazer went quiet, Ender glaring and following after Bonzo.

 **He'd lost his son again.**


	13. He'd do it if he could

**It's finished. Mostly.**

 _ **Can it fly?**_

 **Yes.**

 _ **That's all that matters. Ender hasn't messaged us in a while. He alright?**_

 **No. I hurt him accidentally, and now we're not speaking.**

 _ **Accidentally?**_

 **Excuse me?**

 _ **No offence Maze, you don't seem like you do anything accidentally.**_

Mazer knocked on the door of Dragon Barracks again. He hadn't talked to Ender for an entire week, or more so that Ender refused to talk to him. He knew he messed up. He tried to apologize, but it always came out wrong. He was almost…couldn't apologize. He'd get there, he'd nearly have it right, then he'd trip up. He was too flat and blunt with things, indirectly blaming someone else before he actually said sorry. He wanted to tell Ender of what he was truly looking at, the pain of that moment, but he didn't want to put that on him. The boy had enough on his chest without killing an old man. Ender relished in guilt, it seeming to be his only hold on reality. If Ender knew what he was guilty of, he knew what he had to fix. But some things he could never fix, and often his guilt went into the wrong direction. So again Mazer knocked, desperately searching for something to say before Ender opened the door. The door shunkled open, and both boys appeared at the door, surprising and alarming Mazer. He hadn't apologized to Bonzo either now that he thought about it. "Mazer." Ender's tone dipped in the middle of his name, as if he just remembered he was still mad at him.

"Ender." Bonzo backed away into the darkness of the room, obviously not wanting to be caught in the middle of the two's feud.

"Why are you here."

"Ender, the other day, I wasn't...it wasn't you. I... recall certain aspects of Eros before my death but... after yours."

"Like what?"

"You don't need to worry about such things Ender. I just don't want you to think what I did was your fault. **"**

"Mazer?"

"Yes?"

"You said…my death…might have killed you. Is that what you're remembering?"

"No Ender. People were just…upset with me after you passed."

"Can't blame them." Bonzo yelled from the back of the room.

"Shut it!" Mazer yelled back unconsciously.

"Don't yell at him!" Ender said, jabbing a finger into Mazer's chest. "What is with you two? Always fighting about something!"

"Ender he always has to say something back!"

"I don't care."

"Yeah, I may be a kid but you're old as hell and I'm stronger than normal."

"Bonzo this is why he can't stand you." Ender moaned, face palming. "Mazer we need to talk. Obviously, something happened to you after my death. Bonzo and Mazer, you need to talk, because your endless bickering about everything is driving me crazy! I don't want my two favorite people fighting all the time!" Mazer nodded, surprised. He'd never known Ender to yell. Bonzo nervously glanced up at the light, then back at Ender, who was leading Mazer back to Graff's office. "End?"

"We'll be back!"

"Why'd he blame you though? What about himself?" This was the Ender he knew. Quiet, small, always thinking about something Mazer couldn't quite figure out. It almost scared him to see him like this again, if only because it reminded him of his last few days on Eros.

"Did you plan it?"

"Hm?"

"Did you plan to run off?"

"You didn't answer my question about Graff."

"Graff is too proud to blame himself in front of others. But he did, at some point or another. Now answer mine."

"No. I thought at the end we'd all ship off together, but then you told me. I thought…I thought it'd be the last time I ever saw any of them before I went hurtling off to next stage of shitty space isolation."

"You weren't alone."

"Felt like it." Ender sniffed, the horrible pang in the middle of Mazer's chest growing worse as tears slipped down his cheeks. "I couldn't have help from anyone. Even when I was going crazy."

"You weren't going crazy. Loneliness can do a lot of damage, but it can't do that."

"Isn't that what it did to you?" Mazer frowned.

"What?"

"Out in space. Waiting for me." Ender's eyes were like ice, two cold blue daggers directed right at Mazer's soul. "They thought you were crazy. The shrinks." How could he know that. They'd never told him, they sat there and agreed that it was among the things they could never tell him!

"Bonzo doesn't snoop. I do. I had to know if there was anything else you hid from me. And that was just the beginning. He recorded everything Mazer, everything you thought didn't matter!" He was sobbing now, long wet streaks dripping onto his shirt. He knew it wasn't just that one look.

"That's how I found out about Stilson, Bonzo, Bean! My dad, Peter, Val, hell shit that didn't even pertain to me makes me mad at you! Why couldn't you people tell Pinual and Rose were depressed? What do you mean you couldn't find Dink after he got back on Earth? You just let Zeck go home without doing anything about his dad! Do you not care?"

"We do care!" Mazer sputtered.

"Then why don't you act like it?!" Ender cried. " _You're_ supposed to be the adults!"

"We did our best!"

"Then why are we dead?!" Ender slammed his hands over his mouth, Mazer staring in shock. Ender shaking lowered his hands, voice low. "If we don't matter, who does?" Scooping Ender into his lap, Mazer held Ender against his chest. Ender was quiet even when he cried, but Mazer heard his tiny hiccups as he tried to stifle them. "E pai ana ki a koe." He muttered, the younger calming down, if only a little. "I want to say I could have helped Ender. I really do. But the truth is I knew so little about the inner workings of the military when I returned. I was another step in other people's plans, just like everyone else. Why are we dead Ender? Because no one matters. Cause everyone's just another step. But," Ender looked up at his mentor, a gentleness having overcome him that Ender wasn't used to. "we're out. We don't have to worry about any of that now. And I won't let anyone put us back in."


	14. Guilt Tennis

"Are you guys fucking dead or what?" Yawning, Ender sat up and stretched. Slowly he remembered everything that had happened the past few hours, and realized it was probably Bonzo swearing at them. He roused Mazer, then went to open the door. "You actually talk through it or just sleep for 5 hours?"

"5 hours?"

"Ender you either sleep forever or not at all. 5 hours. We," Bonzo pointed at Mazer, who glanced back at him and turned right back around. "still need to talk."

"Mhm." Ender sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. Immovable object, meet Unstoppable Force. He's dating your kid and he hates your guts.

"First off, I going to swear and say fuck whenever I want."

"Absolutely not."

"Wow!" Ender threw his hands up, frustrated. "You two not only completely missed the point, but led with the stupidest issue you could!" Closing the door, he sat Bonzo down and swiveled Mazer around to face him. "Mazer, I want you to tell me why you hit Bonzo."

"He accused me of upsetting you, and causing your death. Again."

"Bonzo why do you keep making these claims?"

"Well you came to me crying, and he keeps acting like he didn't see any of that shit coming-"

"I didn't! Other candidates had far worse reactions to the early rounds of training! Ender was actually considered incredibly tame!"

"Oh my god if hand-eating is tame why were you even going forward with the program? If nothing else you'd burn out all of your commanders on one battle!"

"That was supposed to be the last one! Everything else Ender would do would be minuscule at best compared to that!"

"So?!"

"Stop." Ender said quietly. "Mazer, do you enjoy arguing with a pre-teen?"

"*sigh* No."

"Bonzo do you have to say fuck?"

"No."

"Are you scared Bonzo might hurt me Mazer?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you scared that Bonzo's temper might get the best of him and he'll hurt me?"

"I-yes sometimes. He's very rough, and dare I say possessive." Ender nodded, turning his back to Mazer.

"Bonzo do you think Mazer is controlling and dismissive of your concerns over what happened to me at Eros?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Ender got up, heading to the door. "You have the basics. Hammer it out."

"Que?"

"Ender that's not how you-" But Ender was already gone, off to check the ansible and paint the ship. Bonzo looked back at Mazer, both equally uncomfortable. Eventually though, Mazer leaned across the way and slowly slid Bonzo's helmet off. He flinched, his recent accident still weighing on his paranoia. "You wear this because of what happened?"

"Yes."

"Ender doesn't like it when you do, does he?"

"No, he likes to look at me for some reason."

"He loves you a lot, you know." Bonzo just nodded.

"We didn't just take him up there to torture him. He saved the world."

"A world he never got a chance to be a part of." Mazer stared at the floor, then back at Bonzo. Graff had told him Bonzo had been a sweet boy before Battle School. That he was helpful, that he cared. But after he came to Space, little by little he worsened till he got himself killed. Mazer could see that rage Graff had talked about, swearing at his work and Mazer, his constantly red face and poor temperament. But he could see the gentle boy his monitor had caught too. When he talked to Ender, his little pats and coos, something he'd gotten from his mother. That smile, full faced, when something worked caused his enthusiasm to become contagious, a broken face not even enough to damper his joy. It almost annoyed Mazer that he was both. It was easier when he could see a clear way someone swung, how'd they act later. It scared him that Bonzo was so voiltile, almost to the point he couldn't trust him around Ender. But they were here together, and Ender deserved peace in his own home, so Mazer would make this work.

"I know Eros was hard on him. I didn't realize it till his death just how much harm we'd done. I think that's why you hate me." Bonzo avoided Mazer's gaze, and he took that as a yes. "You want to protect him. I get that. But that doesn't give the right to insult me, to show up randomly and curse me out. For as much as I'm guilty of, so are you."

"He was so happy to have you back. But he was scared too. Back before we started dating, when we'd fight and yell, he sought me out because he couldn't stand being alone. Who's fault do you think that is?"

"And yet you act like none of your torture had any effect on him."

"It made him a better commander in the end, and we've already settled such things."

"So did Eros."

"I don't want to hate you."

"Surprising." Mazer muttered.

"But you haven't trusted me since day one. I love him just as much as you do, and I want him to be happy too! And yes, I'm sorry for being rude, and accusatory and down-right nasty! But I can't have Ender coming to me in tears because what's essentially his Grandpa just looked at him like his very existence disgusts him!"

"I have told you time and time again that wasn't Ender's fault!"

"But it hurt him anyway!" Bonzo screamed, fist pounding on the table separating the two. "Ender can't differentiate between you looking at him and you fucking flashing back! He takes things personally! Hell, back in the old days, I knew even the slightest glare could weigh on him! I know how much it hurts him because I did it on purpose!" He broke down sobbing, Mazer watching as all the guilt over how Bonzo had hurt Ender before seemed to pour out him. He rested a gentle hand on his shoulder, Bonzo just crying harder. Minutes passed, Bonzo's tears slowing to nothing but a few wet dribbles, Mazer keeping him steady as his small frame shuddered with every sniff. "I did it on purpose Mazer. What right do I have to accuse you when I made his life hell because I wanted to?"

"You've changed."

"How do you know?"

"You admitted you were wrong for doing it in the first place."

"And?"

"That's more then I've done."

"I'm sorry I've been so rude about everything. I'll try not to swear around you."

"I'm sorry I hit you, and I'll be more careful with my actions."

"Can we go back out now?"

"Yes." Slipping Bonzo's helmet back on, the two headed to the launch deck. "Everything's finished, 'cept for a few cosmetic changes to replace old matri-ENDER WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Ender jumped and turned around, face and hand streaked with orange paint. The once bare ship was now covered in the Dragon emblem, streaking red's and browns highlighting the snarling dragon. "Um, well, it was all bare and we had some paint on board for some reason and I just thought-"

"Do they have green?" Bonzo yelled, already picking up a brush.

"Yeah!"

"There's nothing I can do to stop you is there?"

"Yep!"

"*sigh* Hand me some red." And so they painted, long green lizards and orange dragons, the wide red wings of the Strike Force on the ship's head. Mazer finished the interior, sewing up old leather and wiping off the dusty controls. Standing back, it looked rather silly, but it was theirs and that was all that matters. "Bed." Mazer said, pushing the boys out of the launch deck.

"What?" Ender asked, placing the lid back on the paint.

"We're flying out tomorrow. We all need to be ready."

"Can I fly?" Bonzo pleaded.

"Oh absolutely not." Stealing a glance over to the large window to the side, Ender saw the little blue orb he'd come from. It seemed so weird to be going back, but it filled Ender with excited longing. Lying in his bed, he sent one last message to the Earth kids before drifting off.

 _We're coming. I promise – Ender Wieczorek_


	15. Earth is nice

"Up!" Both boys instinctively rolled over and barely let their feet touch the ground before standing at attention. Mazer stared at them like they were crazy, both quickly realizing he wasn't actually calling them to attention. "Is it time?" Ender asked excitedly, already shoving clothes and food into a duffel bag.

"Once you two are dressed." Ender nodded and ran to the bathroom, Bonzo packing a few blankets and their desks. "You sure everything is ready Mazer?"

"About as ready as we can be. You going to get changed?"

"I'm going in what I'm in."

"Absolutely not. Wash. Now." Bonzo reluctantly stalked off to the showers. And so Mazer waited, till both boys returned more excited than they had left. They talked endlessly, Mazer shushing them to have a moment to calm his nerves. His face must have shown his worry, and Ender reached up and patted his arm.

"We'll be fine." The older nodded, though still his mind raced. It had been so long since he'd properly flown. He couldn't take the shortcuts he had in his youth too, sharp corners and rolls, he had children with him for god's sake. How would he fit the others on the way back an-?

"Yo, Maze! It's one trip, back and forth. Not like we're plunging into the unknown!" Bonzo snapped. Mazer grimaced but ignored the little Spaniard. Quickly throwing their duffel bag in the back, Ender sat in the shot gun, but was pushed into the back.

"Ey!"

"Stilson will have to sit there. You, Poke, and Bonzo will have to squeeze into the back. You'll be too stubborn to move on the way back if I let you sit up front on the way there." Ender huffed and put his feet on the middle seat. Bonzo climbed in next to him, watching Mazer and trying to figure out what he was doing. Did that last button ready the exhausts, or disable the parking brake? Was he trying to start the ship or push his seat back? "Bonzo?"

"Sí?"

"Put your seat belt on. Also, message the others. Tell them we're on our way."

"Aight." Ender turned and realized too late that Bonzo was taking a picture. Leaning over, he sighed as his blurry face autocorrected itself and became another 'nervous-horse' face.

 _Here we come. – Ship crew_

"Goodbye Burger-endorsing Bear!" Stilson wrapped his arms around the plastic bear statue, which let out a pre-recorded voice line about a discount on fries. "I won't miss you!" Behind him, Poke shoved as much food as she could into her drawstring bag, particularly stuff Bonzo had said they were missing up in Space. A voice in her head reminded her that she neither needed to eat or hoard food, but old habitats died hard and usually not at all. "Poke, can I tell you, I will not miss this crappy rock! I won't! It will rot and we will be up in space!" Poke grinned. Stilson wasn't too good with words, but his optimism was contagious. Of course, she had her own secrets reasons for wanting to go to space, but for now shelter and an actual bed was enough for her. Flipping up their shared desk, Poke stared at a picture she'd nabbed through sketchy data sharing policies years ago. There was Ender to the left, a girl she knew was named Petra in the middle, and then barely in the picture at all was small tan dutch boy, with mischievous eyes and not enough weight on him. Softly she pressed her hand against it, a tear slipping down her cheek. Ender would have answers. But Poke wondered if she'd really want to hear them, if they weren't an affirmation that he'd been fine. Quietly she closed the desk so Stilson wouldn't know she'd been looking at it in the first place, and resumed her packing.

\- Time skip; 5 long hours of space ship later -

"This sucks. In fact, this sucks so bad, they made it a Shakespearian tragedy, which was then made a musical, which got popular enough to go on Broadway,"

"Ender please."

"then once it was off Broadway they put it in your local hockey arena and made you pay $50 bucks because the actors have skates on. In short, this sucks on ice!" Ender shifted again and sighed. His family never took car trips when he was a kid, and at least he could get up and move around on the way to Eros. But here there was barely even space to change positions, and your only choices were sore ass or sore back. He had tried to get Bonzo back in his seat so he could lay on him, but he was rather content floating against the ceiling and refused to come down. Pulling himself up to the front, he gazed out the front window at Earth, which approached rapidly. "So are we close or?"

"30 minutes at most, but when the time comes." Mazer reached down into what Ender figured was a glove box, and pulled out two sets of rather bulky ear phones. "I'm just going to freefall it through the atmosphere which might make a sonic boom, so you should wear these just in case."

"What about you?" Mazer reached up and pulled out what looked like small earbuds without the wires. They perfectly matched the color of his skin, but Ender was still surprised he hadn't noticed them anyway. "Oh."

"Get Bonzo off the ceiling." Ender pushed and rolled, grabbing Bonzo's arm. The force was too much though, and he smacked into the floor. He glared at his boyfriend, who smiled half-heartedly in apology.

"Mazer says we only have 30 minutes left."

"Oh," Bonzo groaned. "Thank FUCK!"

"Bonzo!"

"Sorry but I've been just completely out of it for the past three hours on the ceiling, and the only thing I want right now I out."

"Well calm your shit and we'll do that! You can't just yell curse words! Mazer!" Mazer didn't acknowledge him. "Mazer?"

"He turned the hearing aids off."

"Mazer! Turn those back on, Bonzo said fuck!"

"Ender you snitch!"

"Maybe so! Mazer!" Mazer placed his full palm on Ender's face, then sent him flying across to the other side of the ship. Children.

The sky had a spot on it.

Poke watched as the large red spot slowly grew bigger, a rather concerning polka-dot on a calm blue sky. The air seemed to whistle, the noise of a rock sailing through a glass window echoing quietly throughout the little valley. Then a boom like a far explosion, which caused Stilson to poke his head out the door and peer at the sky nervously. The red melted away into a bright silver, and immediately both shouted for joy. They were here! Scampering into the restaurant and hiding under a table, the two watched in astonishment as the ship landed 20 yards from the front door. The noise was deafening, like if a helicopter was trying to land on the roof, but once it touched ground the ship grew eerily silent. Climbing up on Stilson's shoulders, Poke tried to get a glimpse of the newest arrivals to the planet.

"Battle boys?"

"Battle boys?" Mazer asked, confused. Ender waved his hand dismissively and kicked the door open, falling onto the grass with a rather silly 'plop'. Bonzo landed on his left, knocking the wind out of himself as he landed on his back. Out of the corner of his eye Ender could see the others sprinting towards them, but decided to stay where he was. He'd forgotten what it was like down here. It was always 'fight for the Earth,' rather than experience it. But as Bonzo rolled over into his side, Ender couldn't really imagine a better place to be.

"That's gay." Ender frowned. Oh yeah.

"Shut up Stilson." He hissed, feeling the shadow but not bothering to look up.

"Dropping Poke."

"Wha-" Poke hit him squarely in the stomach, and silently he cursed himself for not moving sooner.

"Ey!" Bonzo swatted at Stilson's leg, the larger's face scrunching up in a giggle.

"Is this?-pft!-is this Bonzo Madrid? The guy who nearly killed you?" Another chuckle slipped out, Poke grinning as well. She didn't want to be rude but, if at six Ender could take Stilson, this little asshole should've been a quick neck-breaking suplex and done.

"And the fuck about it fuckass?" He growled, fists tensing.

"Nothing, nothing. Just…funny." Ender stepped between the two, glaring at Stilson.

"Bonzo, chill. Stilson, shut your fucking mouth before I kick your ass back into 201X." Stilson grimanced but backed up, Bonzo's face cooing back down to tan instead of scarlet. "alright, now I'm already tired of this blah blah blah…" Poke snuck out from under the commotion and walked over to Mazer, who was content to let the children fight as long as they weren't violent.

"So…you're like over 120 right?" Mazer nodded, watching as Poke nodded as well, though obviously bewildered.

"Poke is an odd name for a child. Did your parents ever tell you why they picked it?" Poke grinned mischievously.

"What are parents?"

"That's…that's just about the saddest thing I've ever heard." Poke's grin only widened.

"Yep! So I chose the name myself, like Seargent, and Bean. Achilles already had a name, probably should've been the first sign he was a piece of shit." Mazer no longer had a son. He had a son, his boyfriend, and his dutch sister who is not related to him in any way but _damnit an aging war criminal dad is better then none at all._ Stilson he'd fit in there eventually. "Aw, don't look so sad Daddy Warbucks, we'll figure it out."

"Ender how do you adopt a child?" This would be a long visit.


	16. Space and time

"So when do we leave?" Stilson asked, nearly stepping on the backs of Ender's feet. Ender kicked back at him every time he did, and Poke watched the theatrics with a waning interest. The person that really caught her attention was mumbling and muttering to himself, gently shoving sleeping bags and food wrappers. "Yo! I said,"

"I heard you." Mazer picked up a seat cushion from a booth, then handed it Bonzo, who chucked it clear out the door.

"The hell! Just set the bugs in my ears why don't you?!"

"You could throw it." Mazer replied. "Is this really where you two lived?"

"Yep!" Poke chirped. "I was already pretty used to it, but the roof was a good addition."

"What do you mean addition?"

"Well back in Holland I was homeless. Orphaned too." She could almost see Mazer's heart break and grinned internally. "It wasn't too bad though. Not like I ever knew my folks, so there was nothing to mourn over."

"Well, its good you found…somewhere to live."

"Sure is. Nice that I roped a bodyguard too." Poke jutted her thumb at Stilson, who just huffed and stared out the window.

"You wish little missy." He growled.

"Whatever. We're not staying here overnight." Bonzo said, climbing onto a table to avoid a water bug. "Grab your bags and lets go!"

"I can't believe you're afraid of bugs! Earth's best defense can't stand some-a itty bitty legs and goo." Stilson plucked a rather large worm from the ground outside, and went to place it on Bonzo's nose. "Here~"

"Don't you dare." Ender slapped his hand down. Stilson frowned, picked up his work, then went for Ender instead. "Ey!" Bonzo wrapped his arms around Stilson's neck and swung himself off the table. He retched, then fell, Bonzo twisting his victim around on the floor like he was trying to give him an rug burn using tile.

"Ey!" Mazer snapped, all three boys freezing. "Get off the floor." They brushed themselves off and got up, embarrassed. "Bonzo's right. We should get you two to a house not a…" He stole a look at the animatronic bear across from him, who sang whenever anyone got relatively close to him. "restaurant. You need real beds." The children were ushered back out, Ender and Bonzo sticking behind Mazer while glaring at Stilson.

"So where do we go? And how do we get there?" Stilson spat.

"Well theres a road sign." Bonzo said, pointing at a green billboard. "It says Sandusky. We hover over the ground in the ship, kick it over to the next town."

"Sandusky?" Ender asked, bewildered.

"Did I say it wrong?"

"No, but Sandusky's in Ohio." Looking up at the flagpole outside the restaurant, Ender gasped then hit Stilson hard in the arm.

"Ow! What the hell?"

"You said we were in Maryland!"

"We are! That's where we grew up, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, but thats Sandusky and the Ohio flag is flying up there! We're freaking Ohio dumbass!"

"Are we?" Ender shoved his hands into his head and screamed.

"Mazer what did it say when you input the coordinates for the ship's autopilot?"

"41 North 82 West Sandusky Ohio." Mazer said.

"IT LITERALLY SAID OHIO RIGHT THERE!"

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT MEANT IT WAS IN ANOTHER STATE?"

"HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW?"

"ENDER I LIVED IN GODAMN EUROPE AND AN ISLAND OFF OF AUSTRALIA!"

"Oh yeah. Wait Stilson you lived here you don't have an excuse!"

"Maybe so. I am making do on a gifted kindergarten education."

"Gifted?" Bonzo said, scrunching up his nose.

"If you went to school with Ender you were gifted. I looked stupid to a bunch of geniuses and motivated people, but I was still okay at a lot of stuff."

"No wonder you never made it to battle school." Poke giggled.

"Now, you watch it little missy."

"Stilson." Mazer hissed, tone cold.

"What? Lets just go Sandusky or whatever." Mazer sighed.

"How?"

"I just told you like a minute ago!" Bonzo cried.

"There's no way in hell that will work."

"Then we'll hoof it to Sandusky." Poke said, annoyed. "Its only like, what is that, half a mile? Fuck readings hard."

"Oh sweet lord." Mazer pushed past the kids and started towards Sandusky.

Sandusky was an unremarkable little town, that if it had been filled with people would have been a wonderful escape from life in the city and would have bustled with the coming and goings of happy but busy folks. But to Ender, Sandusky looked to be the pure definition of a ghost town. Books seemed have been dropped in midair in front of the library, swings on a nearby playground moving slightly from an invisible force. Lights shone in empty buildings, cars stood still on the roads, and water covered the previous bluffs surrounding the north side of town. Mazer simply knocked, then let himself into one house, and everyone else followed. It was a nice little house, with green paint and blue cupboards, 3 floors and a large basement. It was moderately clean on the bottom floor for a house that seemed to have housed a family of four, and the attic was full of old camping gear and blow up mattresses. "This is will work for tonight. Hopefully the cars still work, I need to get more fuel for the ship eventually." Mazer sighed, retiring to the master bedroom. The children sat in the living room, Bonzo and Ender huddled close on the couch while Stilson lounged on a enormous pillow that lied in front of the front door. Poke riffled through the families old movies, throwing all 7 seasons of Supernatural into the 'no' pile and 'Five Feet apart 2: Poe's ghost fights Muhamad Ali for charity' into the 'yes'. Bonzo nuzzled his face into Ender's neck, Ender pulling a blanket over them and kissing his cheek. "That's gay." Stilson muttered.

"So what?" Bonzo snarled.

"Nothing about it. Its just gay." His gaze wandered towards the piles, and he threw out 'Bad Boys 2: Return of Jafar' before turning back towards the others. "So how'd you meet?"

"What do you care?"

"Am I not allowed to ask questions?" Stilson threw his arms out dramatically, pouting. The ceiling creaked ominously above them, and Poke shushed them. "I envisioned someone much more active. Never meets your heroes I guess."

"He's old Stil. Leave him alone." Poke muttered.

"Somebody change their mind about 'old cuss'?"

"I said shut up about it!" Poke smacked the side of Stilson's arm, who retaliated by yanking on her hair. She let out a small screech, but let it go. "Dickface!"

"Piss girl." Poke fumed, clenching her fists, but Ender grabbed her wrists before she could strike the other.

"Let's just watch the movie." He huffed, handing Poke 'Evil Feed.'

"Fine." Poke inserted the DVD into the player and hit the side.

\- 1 hour and a half of the fattest bull known to man later -

Mazer yawned and descended the stairs. The children had taken to sleeping on anything plush and were scattered about the room accordingly. Ender and Bonzo had immediately taken the couch, finding it to be the only bed like furniture in the room. Stilson spread himself about on the recliner, and Poke was tucked into a large wind stopper, the oversized pillow more than enough for her tiny frame. Taking an unused blanket from Ender, he spread it over her, taking care to tuck it under so she wouldn't kick it off. Homeless. Someone had forced this child out on the streets. Mazer could feel his face heating up with a recognizable anger, the same he'd felt when they'd told him how young Ender was. How silly he was to suggest that children could fight wars. Shame rose along with the anger, Mazer silently rioting within himself. Sitting on the end of the pillow he buried his head in his hands, tears running down his face. He'd tried though, right? Tried to tell him about what he was doing. No, that wasn't an excuse, he shouldn't have even let him fight in the first place. Creeping back up the stairs, Mazer tried not to dwell on the past, but his eyes had others plans as he drifted back off.

"DAMNIT CHAM!" Mazer flinched instinctively. He could stand yelling, but for some reason Graff's hoarse screaming always unnerved him. "THEY"RE DEAD IN THE STATION, THEY'RE DEAD ON EARTH, IS THERE ANY DAMN PLACE WE CAN SEND THESE FUCKING KIDS?" The others. Mazer had forgotten all about them.

"CONLOEL." Graff immediately quieted, Cham's voice booming throughout Eros. " _I don't know where the hell you got the idea that you could speak to me like that but if you ever use that tone with me again!"_ Cham's voice rose a solid octave, and Graff fell back. "Now I don't know anymore more than you do what to do with the children but Earth is not an option. That maniac Achilles is still down there, and it would be a death wish for them. But I cant guarantee they'll be okay here. So please," Cham gripped Graff's shoulder with such intensity that he almost ducked out of the way of an oncoming slap. "make sure they are not bothered, and I'll search for a place for them." Graff sighed and nodded, collapsing in a nearby chair.

"Have you thought more about-"

"Yes. And he doesn't…he didn't feel like that. He couldn't of. He was married after all."

"But all those things he did, and what he said when he died."

"I…" Cham stared at his feet, then looked and covered his mouth to stifle his scream. It was him alright, clear as day. Mazer reached over and nodded, Cham's face contorting in both confusion and terror. Then, just as quickly as he'd appeared, he left.

"Cham?"

"He loved me."

"Are you sure?"

"*hic* Yes."

"Mazer!" Poke hit him with the pillow again, and this time Mazer sat straight up. "You making breakfast or what?"

"Oh! Yes, of course. C'mon." He said hurriedly.

"You okay?" Poke asked.

"Yes, I just…got something important off my chest. C'mon."


	17. Spourts

"So I've got questions for you Ender." Ender looked up from his breakfast, syrup dripping down his chin. Poke grabbed her bag and pulled out the desk, flipping through her gallery while hiding it from Stilson. "Questions about this little nobody." She pushed it across the table towards him.

"You want to know about Petra?" Ender asked.

"No! Look to the right. Him."

"Oh! Bean?" Poke beamed. It was her nickname after all, and she was glad it had stuck.

"Yes. What's his deal?"

"He was one of my toon-leaders and was there during the finale battle with the Formics. Good guy. Was one of the only ones really there for me after Bonzo's death."

"But he was safe? He was okay after I…when he went to Battle School?"

"Did you know him?"

"I…" This was a mistake. She didn't want to talk about what had happened to them in Holland. If Bean hadn't told them about it himself, then he didn't want them to know. She just wanted closure…

"Poke?" Stilson wondered worriedly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Gathering her dishes, Poke hurried away from the table. Ender enlarged the photo, focusing in on Bean's face. He recognized this picture. It was right after lunch on the day of his battle against Phoenix army. He'd been trying to apologize to Petra when she pulled him into a giant hug and told him she'd could never stay angry at him when he so stupidly sweet. They'd taken the picture to celebrate Ender being a successful commander. He smiled, then frowned. He missed them so much. Little things always reminded him of them, from old doddles Dink had made on his notes to phrases he'd picked up from Petra.

"Hey." Bonzo said, pulling Ender's head down onto his shoulder and kissing it. "Its okay End." But Ender just shrugged him off. He didn't get it. Bonzo had lackeys, not friends. Even if they were more than that, the war had brought them closer than friends. They were the only ones who understood each other, who got what happened in that crowded little simula-command room, and now the only person who was even there was one of the ones who tricked him into it. Ender peered across the way at Mazer, drinking quietly from his mug. A chill crawled its way down his back and settled in his stomach, and he covered his mouth. Excusing himself he went over to the trash can and vomited.

"Poke?" Stilson had never seen the picture she'd shown at the table that day, but he knew immediately what it meant. "You alright?" Poke waved flippantly, limbs dangling off the side of the recliner. "You still trying to find Bean?" She curled up, a tight ball that even Bonzo could've peeled apart. "I'm sure he's fine Po-"

"But what if he's not?!" She shouted, jumping up. "What if he's scared and alone and I can't do anything about it?! Don't you think I've lost enough people?" Tears streamed down her face, two almost symmetrical lines wiping away the grime that slowly collected on her cheeks. "Everyone's gone Stil. Its just us and these three and maybe some buggers but other then that everyone's gone."

"I know P. I know." Stilson pulled her up off the chair and set her on the arm, then squeezed her till he thought she'd bite him for not letting go.

"Don' try to swallow it!" Mazer had obviously never dealt with a sick child before. Injured and mentally unstable yes, but physically ill no. A sick child, Bonzo thought, knows that their care will interrupt the daily schedule, "convincing them that the only sensible course of actions is to limit the illnesses length by any means necessary to return order and balance to the household an-"

"What are you muttering about over there?" Mazer stared at him, bewildered.

"Nothing much. Just thinking about dynamics."

"Of what?!"

"Families, friends. Poke and Bean were obviously close, and if she was homeless he probably didn't exactly have a perfect life before Battle School. You know anything about it?"

"No. Personal details weren't something I cared about, and I never truly spoke to Bean while actually hearing him. Graff controlled that particular mess himself."

"You really only did interact with Ender didn't you?"

"I thought that was clear."

"I wasn't there ya'know. The formic queen deal was news to me."

"Ender told you about that?"

"Yeah?"

"Hm." Mazer turned back to Ender, who had stopped puking and was reaching for the Pepto bottle on the counter. "Can you keep that down?"

"Yeah." Ender wheezed, pouring himself a cup and chugging it. Bonzo kissed the side of his head and lead him back to the couch, helping him remove his sweatshirt so he wouldn't overheat under the covers. "Bon, can you me my desk so I can set an alarm?"

"Don't. Just sleep as long as your body lets you, okay?"

"Alright." And with that Ender rolled over and slept straight through dinner. The others ate in silence, Stilson piling up the plates and dragging the other children outside.

"Mud." Stilson said, pushing Bonzo into a puddle Poke was making with the family's hose.

"Ey! I'm wearing white here!"

"So?" Bonzo just kept grumbling, running into the house and grabbing his change of clothes. Stilson creeped up behind him, and went to push.

"Mu-AH!" Bonzo flung him over his shoulder and into the dirt, staining his face, however, instead of his clothes. "Dickface!"

"You did it first!" Poke rolled her eyes and sprayed both of them. They yipped like kicked dogs and ran, Poke just following their fruitless escape routes.

"What's even your deal?!" Stilson cried, out of breath as they sprinted across lawns in hope that the hose's short range would save them.

"What do you mean?" Bonzo huffed.

"Weren't you and Ender having a blood feud or something? But now you're here all lovely-dovey, and you still wanted to work on the ship even after you fucking blinded yourself. Are you really that bored?" Bonzo temporally forgot about the hose and tackled Stilson, slamming his fist into his stomach and scraping his nose across the grass.

"EY!" Poke yelled, firing the hose off in short bursts. Bonzo rolled off and stormed into the house. "You've gotta stop doing that. He's not ready to talk about it. It's obvious that Mazer questions it enough as is."

"Whatever." Stilson sighed, staring up at the sky. The battle school blinked as it rotated, like an hourglass that could never end or begin. "Do you think this is really the right thing to do?"

"Hell if I know."

"Why are you all so wet?"

"Poke found a hose." Ender laughed from the other room, a quick thud marking that his nap was over.

"Ender get me those towels from the living room."

"I've already got them." Ender said giggling, Poke's bangs hanging down in her face. Mazer wrapped the children up, gently drying them off. "What happened to your clothes?"

"Stilson pushed me in mud!" Bonzo replied indignantly.

"Why?!"

"No, no, quiet." Mazer pulled the towel over Stilson's mouth and held it there. "I'm not having you two argue. Poke, Ender, shoo. I'll send these two in a second." They headed into the living room, and Stilson grinned.

"You're better at this then I thought you would be. You're sneaky Rackham." Stilson snickered, Mazer just shrugging but smirking nonetheless.

"Was it fun to spray them?"

"Ender you already know the answer to that question." Poke propped her feet up on Ender's knees as he scrolled through her desk's gallery. It was mostly just pictures of the highway and fields surrounding the burger place, a few rare ones showing bonfires.

"What were you guys burning in these?"

"Literally anything flammable we didn't need. We used to make 'em in the alleys all the time back home, but those were for heat so we didn't all freeze to death. But it was nice to burn things to watch it! Its kinda pretty then!" Ender smiled nervously, finally finding what he was looking for.

"So…how did you know Bean?" He turned it around so Poke could see, the image from breakfast projected on the screen.

"Well, um, we…did he tell you about Rottingham?"

"No, but I don't think he'd really care."

"Okay. When we were kids, me and Bean knew each other. We were both homeless, and didn't know our parents. Everyone just stuck together so no one got hurt. Bean was new, but he was the smartest kid I'd ever known. He suggested we get someone to protect us from the cops, and older kids. So we found Achilles. And things went wrong…" Poke stopped and wiped her eyes, sniffling.

"Hey," Ender whispered, rubbing her back. "It's okay if you don't really want to talk about it."

"I thought for so long that Achilles immediately went after Bean, that he…but then I found this!" Poke jammed her finger against the screen. "And I guess I just really wanted to make sure. That's part of the reason I wanted to talk to you guys."

"How'd you even know we were up there? Judging from Bean's arrival at Battle School, you were long gone."

"Deaths are the only news we get around here. Our newspaper is entirely obituaries." Switching the screen over to the nets, a distorted version of CNN presented itself, announcing the day's natural death toll and who had died. "There's a lot of old articles that are front page, like this Israeli kid and some German boy. You and Bonzo were added respectively."

"I'm surprised Mazer didn't make it, but these all seem to be unnatural deaths though."

"That's why we were so surprised when he showed up. We'd thought he'd be in one of the side bars."

"Oh god these people are probably here aren't they?" Poke shrugged and patted his back. "Anyway, Bean was fine Poke. He had friends and food and a roof over his head. We all really loved him." Poke grabbed Ender's shirt and pulled him into a hug, tears streaming down her dirty face and leaving long clean lines. "I miss him too. Don't worry." Mazer poked his head in, handing her a box of tissues.

"Thanks."

"What's this?" Bonzo appeared seemingly out of nowhere and grabbed the desk. "Are all these people?"

"Yeah," Ender said. "and I don't want to leave them here. There's only three of them, we have the space."

"Are you sure they're really here?"

"I can tell, it just, gut ya know?" Ender sputtered, mazer shaking his head.

"Well I still didn't get fuel today, and I don't have space in the _ship_ for three other kids." Mazer huffed.

"We can take one of the cars to the first guy, and there's other launch pads. They'll have fuel." The other nodded, but Ender couldn't tell if he was really okay with it.

"So we'll set out in the morning for this kid, kay? Then we can head over to Columbus. I know for sure they've got a pad." Everyone nodded. Stilson and Poke retired to their usual spots and Mazer headed upstairs, Bonzo cuddling into Ender's side.

"You alright?" He whispered.

"Yeah, Bean's just…" Ender didn't finish, and Bonzo softly kissed him. Wrapping the blanket around them, he twisted their legs together and pushed his nose into the crook of Ender's neck.

"You'll see him again one day End."


End file.
